She gives my arm a squeeze and rubs my back in quick, small circles. “I’m not gonna tell you it’s all right, because it’s not. But you didn’t hurt him. Nothing happened, Beau, other than you putting that jackass in his place. This isn’t you turning into Daddy, you hear me? Just…let me handle Nate from now on.”
I don’t reply. Mostly because I don’t know what to say. I’m shaken up and more than a little scared.
I don’t believe in violence as a means of settling scores, my threats to my family notwithstanding.
“Impulse control,” I say. “I think mine’s finally slipping, Milly. The old me—he wouldn’t have acted that way.”
She looks at me, brow curving upward in sympathy. I can tell she’s trying not to cry. “You don’t know that. And even if it was, you stopped. If you couldn’t control yourself, don’t you think Nate Kingsley would be bleeding on the ground right now?”
“Maybe,” I say. “I don’t know. I feel like—”
“Oh my God.” Milly’s eyes go wide.
My heart stutters in my chest. “What?”
She peers at my neck. “Is that a hickey?”
“What? No.” Immediately my hand moves to cover said hickey. “It’s—”
“Totally a hickey.” My sister’s face breaks out in a smile, and the tension in the air dissipates. “Who gave it to you?”
“It’s nothing,” I say gruffly, pulling up my collar. Shit, I thought this shirt covered it. Desperate for a change in subject, I say, “Bonfire looked great last night.”
Milly crosses her arms, looking at me through narrowed eyes. “Of course it did. I organized the whole thing. Tell me about the hickey. I’d ask if Gretchen was back, but that”—she points to the offending spot—“is not something she’d do.”
I grab my mug from the porch railing and take a scalding sip, turning away from my sister in the hopes she’ll take the hint and leave me alone. I feel like enough of a shithead as it is.
Milly looks at me for another beat. Then she gasps, hand going to her mouth as the realization dawns.
“You and Annabel,” she says. “Hank told me he saw y’all dancing. Oh my God, Beau. Oh my God! Are you guys, like, a thing now? I love her. I’ve been hoping for years you two would end up together.”
I roll my eyes, letting out a long, low breath. “It’s not—”
“Don’t you dare lie to me, Beau.”
I jam my tongue into my cheek and look at my sister. It’s no use. I should know better than to pull the wool over Milly’s eyes. She’s sharp as a whip and just as dangerous when she’s pissed off. Or lied to.
“Yes, the hickey is from Annabel. But no, we are not a thing, and we never will be.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because! Goddamn it, Milly, this is none of your business—”
“Of course it’s not. But I want you to tell me anyway. I get the feeling you need to talk about it.”
Because my sister is right, and because I’m tired as hell, I fall into the nearest rocking chair with a sigh. “The whole thing was a stupid mistake. I don’t want to lead her on. What Bel is looking for—I can’t give that to her. The white picket fence and dog and stuff.”
“How do you know that’s what she wants?”
I cock my head. “We’ve been friends for seventeen years, Milly. I know what Annabel is after.”
My sister’s eyes flick to my neck. “Looks like she’s after you.”
I slide my phone out of my back pocket.
I need to call Annabel, go see her and talk about what happened last night.
I’m gonna have to tell her the truth. All of it. Not just the bits and pieces that are easier to digest.
“I’m pretty sure she wants more than a hookup,” I say, voice low. “But we can’t. How do I let her down easy?”
Milly’s brow creases. “I’m confused. You want more, too.”
Before Duke, I did want more. I wanted a family of my own. A woman to settle down with. Lots of babies. Dogs. The big, full, boisterous house, like the one I grew up in.
But that dream was ripped from me the day I walked into the hospital at Duke a whole man, and walked out a broken one.
“I never said that.”
“No. But I’ve known you for thirty years, and I can tell just by how beat up you look that you’re in deep.”
I neither confirm nor deny this.
Instead, I sip my coffee in pained silence.
“Your life isn’t over,” Millie says. “Just because—”
“Please.” I hold up my hand. The one holding my phone. “I’m not saying this to be a dick, but please don’t try to convince me of anything right now. I know what I need to do. Putting an end to whatever is…uh, happening between Bel and me is the right thing, Milly. So please, please, just help me figure out how to do that without hurting her. All right?”