I wanted to bring my vision for the farm to life before I started losing my mind, literally. I wanted to leave my family not just a fortune, but a legacy. Something to be proud of. Something to work for and make their own, as I’m a firm believer that idle hands are the devil’s workshop. It was a favorite saying of Daddy’s, and one I’ve adopted as my own.
They know who I am and what I want, which makes the fact that I’m gonna leave them before I’m ready much harder.
Family is everything.
So is a great friend.
“I’m gonna miss her,” I say softly. “So I want to spend as much time as I can with her before—well.”
“I love everything about that,” Milly replies, putting a hand on my back. “I hope this means we’ll be seeing more hickeys?”
“Wait.” Samuel drops his fork. “Annabel gave you a love bite?”
“A love bite? What the hell is—I don’t—Jesus Christ…” I say, covering what’s left of said “love bite” with my hand.
He smacks my hand out of the way. “Jesus Lord! Y’all have definitely been rollin’ in the hay. I knew something was going on, but I had no idea you guys were into that.”
Mama gasps, and Milly laughs. Hank claps his hands, proclaims, “I knew it!” and promptly holds out his hand to Samuel, who gets out his wallet and, with a grumble, sets a hundred-dollar bill in Hank’s outstretched palm.
“Really?” I ask, turning to my sister.
“What?” She lifts one shoulder in a shrug. “Like secrets stay kept all that long around here anyway. Besides, you really think you and Annabel are gonna do all this cool stuff together without falling head over heels for each other?”
“I sure as hell do,” I spit out a little too quickly. Milly’s reading my mind—saying my biggest fear out loud—and I don’t like it. “We’ve been doing cool stuff together for years without crossing that line. Hell, I took the woman on a Mediterranean cruise on George Clooney’s yacht. Twice. Did Napa Valley, just the two of us. All super romantic shit, but not once did Bel and I so much as kiss. We’ve done it before, and we can do it again. The other night—the lov—hickey, it was a mistake. A one-off thing. Neither of us was in our right minds.”
I say it as much for Milly as I do for myself. If I keep hearing it, then maybe I’ll start believing it.
Mama reaches out and curls a hand around my forearm. “If that’s what you truly think, I’ll buy it. I know how much Annabel means to you as a friend. Just don’t hold back out of some misguided notion that you’re not worthy because of your possible diagnosis. You still deserve to be happy, John Riley.”
She’s the only one who can get away with calling me that. It’s Daddy’s name. Ever since he started to get sick—this was back when I was in high school—I’ve refused to share it.
“I am happy,” I say. “How could I not be, with my lovely family around to bust my balls?”
Hank holds up his glass. “Proud to do it.”
Mama keeps looking at me. Serious. A little sad. Breaks my fucking heart. After everything she’s been through, I’d do whatever it takes to put a smile on this woman’s face. I know she wants me to open up, give Annabel and me a chance. But then I’d just end up breaking everyone else’s hearts.
In the long run, keeping my distance is the right thing to do.
“I mean it.” I pat her hand. “I got this, okay?”
“You don’t always need to put us first, you know,” she replies. “No one asked you to make that sacrifice. Just as I’m pretty sure Annabel would never ask you to sacrifice your happiness to keep her safe.”
I swallow hard. “I know she’d never ask, which is one of the many reasons I need to do it. Anyway…” Drawing a breath, I square my shoulders. “I’ll get all of you your marching orders by tomorrow morning. Sound good?”
“Yeah.”
“Yup.”
“We’re on it, Beau.” Samuel meets my eyes. “You just focus on Annabel. What kinda activities are you gonna do together, anyway? Besides give each other hickeys.”
So much for my attempt to change the subject.
“One more mention of the hickey and I’m firing all y’all. As far as activities go, I’m not sure yet. Getting outside helps my mood a lot, so I thought we’d maybe start with some fly fishing? A hike, maybe, so the baby can come with us.”
“You know I’ll happily watch Maisie while y’all are out and about,” Mama says. “I had so much fun hanging with her and Lizzie the other night.”
Mama would never say out loud that she wants grandbabies. She’d never put that kind of pressure on us. But I know she’d love to be a grandmother. She’d make a really great one, too. I bet she’s already attached to Maisie.