Elaina had rage, anger and great regret brewing inside her over our break up. I’d seen her go after Tompkins and witnessed the raw fury that possessed her when she was told about the alliance between Cora and Tompkins to break us apart. I’d never known about their illicit deal, and it was probably a very good thing because I would be locked up for murder right now, no doubt.
The attack at the pub had been the great leveler, an event which opened everyone’s eyes to what had really happened, and to the choices that had been made nearly six years ago. By her. By me. Elaina wasn’t the only one at fault. I’d not gone after her or forced her to see the truth when I should have done. I allowed her to believe a lie because my pride was too great to take the fall on the idea that someone who loved me could just let me go like that.
Yeah, the scars from the past are cocksuckin’ motherfuckers, aren’t they?
But I figured something out about her and me. I learned that regret gets you nothing but a bigger pile of shit to shovel around. And so I made a decision. I decided not to muck around in the regret shit pile for even one more day.
It was impossible for Elaina to convey an aura of not caring about me anymore, when I’d seen her try her damnedest to kill the man responsible for tearing us apart. With my own eyes.
Being optimistic with the hope that she still loved me did not seem like such a stretch anymore.
Now all I needed to do was to convince her of it.
I’d arranged for some subtle hints like the florist arrangements in reception, but cherry blossoms in blue vases weren’t going to cut it and send her back into my arms, or my bed. Not with the way she was locked down so tight. I believed we could get past the hurt and misconceptions. I believed we could love each other again. If I wanted her in my life, then I needed to step up my game.
And my Cherry Girl needed a push.
Earlier in the week a notice had been delivered from the Personnel department for me to report for scheduled self-defense training. The gist of the email was this: all employees were required to take a basic course in self-defense maneuvers. As BSI provided security for high profile clientele, one could never assume a lunatic wouldn’t show up with grievances. To that end all staff must be thoroughly trained in defense to be prepared in the event of such an incident.
What a pleasant thought. Especially as my desk was the first line of defense for said lunatic if they came to see us via the forty-fourth floor. They better teach me some damn good moves then.
At lunch that day, Frances gave me directions of how to get to the training facility and what to expect. I checked my watch. Three more hours.
All week I’d had Neil up my arse demanding I allow him to take me home. I’d always said no, or tried to find an alternative through Ian. If the weather cooperated, I brought good shoes for walking in my bag and changed at the station. Unfortunately the weather was not my friend at the moment. Pouring rain and very cold, just like the night Neil and I had our blow up. The reminder of that night put me in a very foul mood, and because I knew he’d insist on taking me home anyway.
Aaaand, there was his email sitting in my inbox when I got back from lunch.
TO: emorrison @bsiltd.co.uk
No ditching me today. I’m driving you home. N
I had a legitimate excuse to use on him though, and that made me grin as I replied to his message. I was not going to allow him to bully me over it. Quite frankly I didn’t even know what he was doing lately. Leaving coffees and treats on my desk when I stepped away. Emails. Texts. He had to be watching me on a security cam in order to know when I left my station. Privacy much, Neil? And what a waste of his work day. I was thoroughly annoyed with him.
TO: nmcmanus @bsiltd.co.uk
No, I can’t. Have a required self-def. training class today after work. E
Take that, Mr. Overbearing, I thought as I pressed send.
My victory was very short lived.
That and the fact he must’ve been sitting at his desk with his email open because he replied almost instantly.
TO: emorrison @bsiltd.co.uk
I’ll wait for you to finish your class then.
His response made me angry and I told myself I wasn’t going to stand for it another second. I kept reminding myself of that as I left my station and passed through the doors. I marched my way straight down to his office.
His secretary, Susie, smiled at me as I passed by her desk. I smiled back and said hello as if it were the most normal thing in the world to storm into Neil’s office with intent to murder him. No apologies for speaking the truth.
Then I barged in.
His head snapped up from where he’d been studying his computer screen. Probably composing another direct command to me via email.
“No you won’t.” I said tightly, my arms folded beneath my breasts.
The corner of his mouth turned up a little as if I amused him. It made me want to smack it off him.