I sighed and shook my head. “No. You never are.”
Ben bowed gallantly next to a rack of vintage gowns. “I rest my case, darling.”
“Easy for you to say,” I muttered as I flicked through some possibilities for a dress as maid-of-honor at Brynne and Ethan’s wedding. “You’re a guy and have no morals.”
He ignored my insult. Probably because he knew it was legitimate fact.
“What about the copper? Declan? He’d step up and help you work off some stress I’m sure.” Ben pulled out a strapless vintage Carolina Herrera in burgundy lace and set it aside for me to try on. “And he’s hot.”
“Desmond. I know he would, but it doesn’t feel right to me for some reason.” And it didn’t. Something was holding me back because if I’d ever been given signals from Des, they had come in the past week. I might have been out of it, but I wasn’t dead.
After I’d arisen from my initial coma, I’d found some soup in the fridge with instructions to heat it up and eat it. He also made sure my dad was filled in on my health status. I had ended up with strep throat and a visit to a walk-in urgent centre at Lord Guildford Hospital to get some serious drugs to kill the raging infection. The pain had been severe, and I’d done nothing but sleep and drink soothing broths and teas for days. Dad had insisted I stay at his house to recuperate because he didn’t want me all alone at my flat, now that Brynne had moved out. I seriously wondered what would have happened to me if Des hadn’t picked me up from the airport and clued in on how sick I really was. Nobody would have known.
“What doesn’t feel right about having some mutually agreed upon pleasure? Don’t overthink things with him. Just give it up and enjoy yourself. I swear you’ll feel better, and I can hear all the deets on how he does.” He held up a pink frothy mess trimmed in ostrich feathers and studied it.
“You’re horrible, and so is that feather dress.” I shook my head slowly at both of them. “No, I can’t do that to Desmond. I’d be using him and he deserves much better.” I plucked chiffon in pale lavender-grey off the rack that looked promising.
“What am I going to do with you, lady? You need a man to satisfy your needs.”
“No, I really don’t.”
“Yes, you very much do,” he said stubbornly, gathering up the gowns we’d chosen and gesturing toward the dressing room with a jerk of his head. “Now get in there and start trying frocks.”
I shut the door on him and shimmied out of my clothes. Time was running out to get the dress thing sorted out. My illness had put me way behind schedule. Brynne was so non-stress about it though. She’d given us free reign on the bridesmaid dresses and said she didn’t care if they were even remotely the same. I was trying to keep it in the purple/lavender realm and so were the others. Brynne asked me to be her maid-of-honor and Elaina and Hannah to be bridesmaids. Hannah was Ethan’s older sister, and it was at her country mansion where their wedding would take place. A garden wedding meant a more casual dress was okay, but at the same time, it was going to be a very posh event with lots of celebrities attending. I wanted my gown to be right.
“Maybe you’ll meet someone at the wedding who can take care of your little problem,” Ben chatted at me through the dressing room door.
“I doubt it, and I don’t have a problem, Benny.” I glared up at him from behind the dressing room door. “Humans can live productive lives without frequent sex, you know.”
He vetoed the lilac crushed velvet with a sharp shake of his head as soon as I stepped out. “Maybe they can be productive, but not very happy. I want you to be happy,” he said seriously.
I mouthed “thank you” and an air kiss and went back into the dressing room. I tried the Carolina Herrera next. “This isn’t gonna work.” I stepped out to show him. “I’m not doing this weird lace. It looks like it’s been made from a chenille bedspread.”
“Agree,” Ben said. “Who will be your partner at the wedding?”
“Umm, I know Ethan asked his cousin to be best man. Brynne told me his name before but I don’t remember. He does some kind of sport. I think it might be fencing or lacrosse maybe? I know she said he was involved with announcing some of the events for the Olympics.” I smoothed the skirt of the lavender floaty chiffon, turning back and forth to make the skirt move. “It was right around the time her dad passed away, so…” I trailed off on that sobering thought. Ben and I had been with Brynne when the call came through that her father had drowned in his swimming pool. I don’t think I would ever forget the horribleness of that day. The poor girl had been through some dark and terrible times leading up to this wedding. She had tearfully asked Ben to give her away, which had touched him deeply. We all just wanted some peace and happiness for her and Ethan. They surely deserved some.
“I think we might have a winner,” I announced as I stepped out. “What is your opinion, Mr. Clarkson?”
He swept his eyes up and down me with a critical eye. He circled his finger for me to turn for him. Ben was all seriousness when it came to clothing. I knew he was evaluating how to accessorize me and fix my hair. He was brutally honest and would tell me if it was a good choice. Or not. Our relationship had always been an honest one, which was why he could talk to me about personal things off limits with most people.
“Do you feel pretty in that one then?”
“I do. Yes. Thank you for helping me.” I pushed up on my toes to kiss him on the cheek. “What would I do without you to choose my clothes?”
He snickered down at me with a smug look on his handsome face. “I have absolutely no idea, my darling.”
Somerset
22nd August
LAKE Leticia was just large enough for my Cessna T206. A floatplane required only two hundred metres to safely manoeuvre a landing, but five hundred were needed to take off again. The private lake on my cousin’s estate made my trip over from Donadea quick and painless. No driving at all, just a pleasant trip across the Irish Sea. Lake to lake it only took me an hour.
The biggest hassle was anchoring and tying her down so when I wanted to take off three days from now, she wasn’t drifting about in the middle of Lake Leticia. The tiny loading dock for rowboats served just fine for Nelly’s purposes. I pulled her up alongside, dropped anchor, and did up the ropes.
Colin and Jordan greeted me on the dock with typical boyish enthusiasm and insisted on carrying my bags. Hannah and Freddy were raising some wonderful kids and made it look so easy when it wasn’t. As I was well aware.
That’s because nothing good and worthwhile is ever easy.