“You’re allowed to relax once in a while.” Her voice was calm but firm. “The rest of us aren’t less because we like to have fun, you know?”
“Depends on your idea of fun, I guess.”
I sat down and started tying my shoes, but then I saw her stop, and I paused, realizing how that came out.
I looked up at her, kind of wincing. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean that.”
Damn, I was rude. Why was I so awful? Elle and I weren’t friends, but we were friendly. She tried, despite how hard I made it.
“And I have fun,” I teased. “Who says I don’t have fun?”
She continued braiding her hair. “Depends on your idea of fun, I guess,” she shot back.
I laughed, thankful she was playing back. I knew how I was. Judgy, rude, and close-minded, but I also knew why.
I was jealous.
Happy people didn’t hurt others, and while I didn’t dwell on my behavior in lit yesterday with Will and his friends, people like Elle didn’t deserve it.
I wanted someone to understand me.
“Have you ever seen a Lamborghini commercial on TV?” I asked, looking over and meeting her eyes.
She shook her head.
“They don’t make them,” I told her. “Because people who can afford Lamborghinis aren’t sitting around watching television.”
“So, you want a Lamborghini someday, and that’s why you work so hard and don’t have any fun?”
“No.” I chuckled, gathering my school uniform scattered on the floor. “My own private jet will get me out of this town a hell of a lot faster than a car. I’ll wave goodbye and let it all disappear in my wake.”
The cheer team ran by our aisle, everyone starting to make their way out to the gym. The football team was on a bye week, but the basketball team had an exhibition game against Falcon’s Well.
“I’ll try not to take that remark personally,” Elle replied.
I shot her a smile, hoping she didn’t take it personally. I wanted as far away from this town as possible for several reasons, and once I left, only one thing would ever bring me back.
“Is there nothing you love in Thunder Bay?” she asked.
I dropped my eyes for a moment and then looked over at her. “Why do you think I’m still here?”
And then I opened my locker and flashed her the inside of my door, but instead of my own Trojan bumper sticker, or any bumper sticker, it was a single, three-by-five snapshot of my grandma and me at my eleventh birthday picnic in the park.
My skin in my blue tank top was darker than my usual olive from all my time in the sun that summer, my cheeks rosy from smiling and not having a care in the world other than what I was going to do for fun the next day, and no matter what size glasses I wore, they always looked too big for my face. I was geeky and happy, and remembering that woman in the picture resembled nothing like the woman who was lying in bed at home right now made my throat prickle with tears.
But I looked at Elle and smiled small, my grandma the one thing I’d come back to town for.
/> In fact, the idea of leaving for college and leaving her if she was still alive by then was almost unbearable.
I rubbed my eyes under my glasses and then stuffed my school clothes into the locker.
I looked up, noticing something.
What was that? I narrowed my eyes, reaching up and taking the stuffed animal off the top shelf.
I paused in confusion. How did this get in here?
I looked around for anyone watching me and met Elle’s eyes, holding it up.