She believed she was in actual danger, and all I could feel was my mother on top of me like Trevor was on top of her.
It gets hard when I do that. That means you like it.
No, it didn’t.
I dropped the mask in the passenger’s seat and started the car, seeing Trevor shoot off, racing toward his side of the car.
“What the hell are you doing?”
But I didn’t wait. With Will still passed out in the back, I hit the gas and sped off in reverse, ignoring Trevor’s curses and shouts as he chased my headlights.
You can fucking walk home.
I drove to the end of the gravel road, not stopping as I launched back onto the highway without a single pause for any oncoming traffic, and shifted into gear, speeding back down the dark, quiet road.
I gripped the steering wheel, gripping the hair on my head as I rested my elbow on the window.
“What the fuck?” I muttered.
What did I just do?
Was I actually going to hurt her?
But I did hurt her.
She came out tonight, saved my fucking ass in town earlier, and I… I fucking attacked her. She stood up for me, and all I saw was trash and a threat.
All that spirit, and I beat it down. I treated her like garbage, and instead of feeling powerful, I only saw a little boy on the ground, crying and heartsick, because he couldn’t stop what was happening to him.
Rika would hate me. She’d never look at me again.
I pulled into Will’s house and parked right in front, unloading him from the car, and heaving him over my shoulder. Climbing the steps up to his house, I dug his keys out of his back pocket, unlocked his huge iron door, and stepped inside, quickly punching in the security code we all had memorized years ago.
The house was quiet and dark, but I could always smell the hydrangeas his mother kept on the foyer table in various colors. Sometimes they were blue, sometimes white. Today, they were purple and always made the house look happy as soon as you entered.
Out of everyone’s houses, I liked Will’s the most. It was newer, more spacious with room to walk and breathe, and it was bright with high ceilings. He had two older brothers who left home a few years ago, off making the world a better place. Will was the youngest. And the most trouble for his parents.
I took him up to his room, plopped him down on the bed, and saw him yawn and pull his comforter over his body. He looked like a burrito, and it was the first time all night I actually felt a smile I wore.
Will and I were cut from the same cloth, both always diving too deep for our own good, he with alcohol and drugs and me with the pain I needed to inflict.
Rain started to patter his window, and I looked up at it, the drops streaming down the glass like being in a fountain and watching the falls spill from the bowl above.
Winter.
That was the only place I wanted to be right now. She was alone in that house, the fountain spilled outside, and she wanted me there.
Grabbing a pair of clean jeans and a T-shirt from Will’s closet, I strolled into his bathroom and showered, washing my hair and body to get Rika off. To get the cigarettes off.
To just get every shitty thing I did tonight off.
After I was clean, I dressed and left, taking Winter’s key, my wallet, and my phone, and quickly jumped back into Michael’s car and headed for her house. It was almost two. I would have a few hours with her, at least, until I ran the risk of her father coming home.
But when I arrived, I saw the gates were open. Did he come home early?
I killed the lights and slowed the engine, noticing no cars parked in front of or on the side of the house, and no lights on in the home. Maybe she left the gates open for me. I almost smiled. I liked that idea.
I pulled the G-Class off the side of the driveway, out of sight in the trees on the lawn, just in case, and got out of the car, taking her key with me.