14
Vibrant red blood splattered the white wall in the library. Haven was cleaning it with a rag when Carmine’s bedroom door opened. Disheveled, he glared at her. “What are you doing? You shouldn’t be doing that!”
He snatched the rag from her hand as her eyes welled with tears. Overwhelmed and exhausted, she couldn’t take him looking at her that way, disgust and anger shining from his eyes. His hand flew in her direction and she recoiled, moving out of his reach. She stumbled and plopped down on the floor.
His face clouded with confusion as he dropped his hand. “I can’t get anything right with you.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, not understanding. She was only trying to clean up the blood.
He groaned, throwing the rag down as his voice rose with passion. “You’re sorry? For what? Ciò è scopare pazzesco! I’m gonna lose my mind if we don’t stop doing this dance!”
Dance? “What are you talking about?”
He grabbed her arm, and the zap of tingles coursed through her. She wondered why he was touching her, an irrational part of her wishing he’d never stop. When he touched her, she didn’t feel so alone. When he touched her, she felt alive for once.
“Tell me you don’t feel that, and I’ll back off.”
She stared at his hand. “You feel it too?”
“Of course I feel it. I kissed you last night!”
She blinked a few times. “But I kissed you. I shouldn’t have, because you told me you didn’t . . .”
“You barely grazed my lips. I practically assaulted your mouth.” He shook his head. “And you’re right—I don’t do that, which is what makes it so crazy. I’ve been trying to tell you that.”
He ran his fingers through his unkempt hair as he stared at her, his eyes imploring her, but for what she didn’t understand. “Tell me what?”
Her question was met with silence. He slumped against the wall and brought his knees up, wrapping his arms around them. “I would’ve cleaned up the blood,” he said. “I caused it.”
sn’t sure if it was subconscious fear or if his father had shown him at some point, but he never left his fingerprints down there.
Once he had the liquor, he headed upstairs in time for the guests to arrive.
* * *
Haven sat on the edge of her bed, picking at her fingernails as sickness stirred in her stomach. She felt out of place, afraid to go downstairs, worried that with one look they’d all know what she was. They’d all know she didn’t belong in their world with them.
There was a soft knock on the door before Dominic peeked in. “Can I come in, Twinkle Toes?”
“Of course,” she said.
He strolled in, using a sword like a walking cane, and sat beside her on the bed. He leaned back on his elbows and things grew quiet as Dominic stared off into space. She wondered why he was here instead of at his party, but she remained silent and let him speak first.
“Nella vita: chi non risica, non rosica,” he said. “In life: nothing ventured, nothing gained. My mom used to tell us that. It’s been a long time, but I can still hear her.”
He smiled to himself, remembering, as Haven conjured her own mama’s voice in her mind, never wanting to forget what she sounded like.
“Mom taught us a lot, but that’s what I remember most. You shouldn’t be afraid to take risks. It might not work out, you might fail miserably and get hurt, but you’ll never know unless you try.” He paused, sighing. “You can play it safe, Haven, and I wouldn’t blame you for it. You can continue as you’ve been, and you’ll survive, but is that what you want? Is that enough?”
Haven had no answer for that.
“Or you could take a risk,” he continued. “I know you have it in you. I can’t promise you’ll get everything you want, but I can promise nothing will change if you don’t try.”
She stared at him, absorbing his words, as Dominic’s expression turned somber. “Carmine wasn’t always such an asshole, you know. He used to be like Mom, couldn’t hurt a fly, but all that changed. Carmine will take physical risks—sometimes I wonder if he has any regard for his life—but anything emotional is out of the question. You’re good for him that way. You’re the first girl he’s looked at as a person and not an object.”
Her eyes widened. “Why am I different to him?”
“I think you remind him of Mom, but he’s the only one who can really answer that.” Dominic stood. “So, tell me. Are we going to play it safe, or are we going to put ourselves out there?”