“Hey, that reminds me! Today’s the anniversary of the first time you two crazy kids made out.”
Haven smiled. “It was when I kissed him.”
“I still can’t believe you made the first move. Bet you’re regretting that decision now, huh?”
Glancing at Carmine, she took in his solemn expression. “I’ll never regret it.”
His face lit up at her words, and she was immediately ashamed for her thoughts. She was still hurt, unsure of what the future held, but one thing Carmine had never done was give up on her. She mourned a life she thought she lost, but it was a life she would have never dreamed of having if he hadn’t fought for her in the first place. He had sacrificed for her, his world irrevocably altered to give her a chance. Carmine deserved a life outside of the violence.
How would she forgive herself if he didn’t get it?
She sighed after Dominic left, setting her bowl of soup down on the small table beside the chair. She got up, wincing from the pain in her wobbly legs, and Carmine rushed forward when he saw what she was doing. She held her hand up to stop him, taking a few weak steps on her own to him.
“I love you, Carmine DeMarco,” she said, nuzzling into his chest. Her shoulder throbbed from where it had been dislocated and her knees felt as if they were going to give out, but she held on to him and ignored it all. None of those things mattered. They would fade, and with them the memory, but her love for Carmine would never go away.
He hugged her back, pulling her closer and resting his head on top of hers. Haven’s smile grew. Despite everything, she still felt safest in his arms.
* * *
Haven grew stronger, her injuries healing, but she still struggled mentally as days turned into weeks. She spent most days resting, but eventually ventured outside with Carmine. He held her hand the first time they strolled down the street, pointing out different landmarks from his childhood. They were about a block away from Celia’s house when her legs grew tired, and the two of them stopped in front of a large white house. Carmine pulled her to it and sat on the front porch.
“I don’t think you should sit on someone’s steps like that,” she said. “They might get angry.”
“This is our house, tesoro,” he said with a small smile, continuing as she took the seat beside him. “It’s where I grew up, but it’s been empty since my mom . . .”
Since she was murdered, Haven thought, finishing the sentence he still couldn’t say. She glanced at the bright blue door, a stark contrast to the chipped red paint of the shutters.
“What are we going to do, Carmine?” she asked. “What happens now?”
“We go back to Durante. Sal’s gonna give me some time before he expects me to move here. Other than that, I guess we figure it out as we go.”
* * *
And that was exactly what they did. A few days later, Dr. DeMarco rented a car, and the three of them made the journey back to Durante. She slept a lot, sprawled out in the backseat as Carmine and Dr. DeMarco took turns driving. They stopped so frequently it took a few days before they saw the brown wooden DURANTE WELCOMES YOU sign.
An odd sensation overcame Haven when they pulled off the faded highway and up to the familiar plantation house. It wasn’t hurt or heartache, although it was deep within her chest, surrounding her heart and stealing her breath.
It wasn’t until Carmine muttered the words that it struck her. “We’re finally home.”
Home. She got it now. For the first time in her life, something felt like home. It was the place they had come together. It was where they had found love.
She finally knew what that word meant.
51
Settling back in hadn’t been easy. Memories haunted Haven’s dreams and continued to follow her during her waking hours. Flashes of faces, horrific screams, and scathing words constantly ate away at her, and the worst part was she wasn’t sure any of it was real.
She scribbled in notebooks again and sketched pictures of the images she saw in her mind. Her monster returned, taunting her with his scaly face and evil eyes. It reminded her that no matter where she went, that part of her life was never far away.
Carmine was just as distracted, nightmares infesting his sleep again. He would sneak out of bed at night, and sometimes she would follow, listening as he played the same song for hours on end.
They were two broken kids, desperate to be whole again, struggling to find balance in a world out of their control. What’s black and white and red all over? Carmine was, Haven thought. A soul savagely ripped in half, bleeding out for all to see. The yin and yang, the good and evil, the love and pain all at odds with each other. Two sides, two vastly different worlds, but someday they would merge as one. They had to.
Il tempo guarisce tutti i mali. Time heals all wounds.
* * *
Some things in life only happen once, the memories lasting forever. They are moments that alter you, turning you into a person you never thought you would become, but someone you were destined to be. There’s no magical rewind button in life, no take backs or do-overs to fix things you wish you could change.