Penumbra (Spook Squad 3)

“I was hoping it wasn’t going to be long-term.”

“Ah.” She glanced ahead, noting with a little annoyance that Wetherton’s office building was less than half a block away. “And if it was?”

“I would have dealt with the problem when it arose.”

Which was not very practical. “What if your solution isn’t the best solution?”

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

She hesitated. “It’s just a thought that occurred to me when I was talking to Jessie. All roads are leading to Hopeworth, so would it not be better—”

“No,” he cut in instantly.

“But it may be our only chance to get any sort of answers. For all we know, Sethanon might be—”

“No!” he cut in again, more forcefully this time. He took a steadying breath, then said, “It’s too damn dangerous. Heaven only knows what that place would do to you if they got hold of you. I can’t risk it, Sam. I won’t.”

He couldn’t risk it. Not the SIU, not the Federation. Him. Surely that was a sign he cared far more than he was admitting? Or was it simply that he had no intention of losing her until he knew what she was capable of and how they might use her growing abilities for the benefit of the SIU and the Federation?

And why did she even care? Hadn’t she just made a resolution to stop centering her life around her work and her partners?

The trouble was, he’d touched her. Brushed the hair from her face and run his fingers down her cheek to her lips. And those two actions had her long-ignored hormones dancing.

From the very beginning she’d been attracted to him, and while they might not have shared anything more intimate than a brief hug, that attraction still flared up at the slightest provocation. And no matter how angry she might be with him, it appeared that the attraction wasn’t going away. Ignoring it might work in the long run, but only if she wasn’t seeing him regularly. As long as he was still in her life, she was stuck with it.

And since he obviously wasn’t going to pursue it, maybe she should just bite the bullet and do as Jessie suggested. Become the hunter.

Could she do it?

She didn’t know. She’d never actually pursued any man, whether it was for sexual or emotional pleasure. Which wasn’t to say she hadn’t indulged in either—she had, and had enjoyed herself immensely. But in the past, she’d always allowed men to do the pursuing, and she always knew going in that neither the man nor the relationship—however good or emotional it felt at the time—would last.

Why she’d always been sure of that she couldn’t honestly say. Nor could she say why she was so sure that her attraction to Gabriel was more than just the natural attraction of a female to a sexy male.

Maybe it had something to do with the walker gene and the bond that might be between them. Maybe it didn’t. Or maybe it was nothing more than wishful thinking on her part. Whatever the reason, perhaps wondering if she could pursue him wasn’t the right question. Maybe what she should be asking was what she actually wanted from him. What did she expect? Just another good time? Just another physically satisfying month or two in her life?

No.

Whatever this thing was between them, it definitely felt bigger. Which in turn meant she was expecting something more than a month or two of mutual pleasure. Something deeper than just caring.

But given his stance against any emotional commitment in his life, wasn’t she just setting herself up for heartache? If he could keep his twin—his own flesh and blood—at arm’s length, what made her think his connection to her would be any different?

So maybe that was the real question she needed to ask herself. Was she ready to face that heartache if it went belly-up? And cou

ld she live with it, face being around him day in and day out if he did in fact prove to be her base?

Probably not.

But maybe she had to try, anyway. Because surely it was better to attempt a relationship on her own terms, in her own time, than to be forced into it by genes and fate.

At the very least, if she seriously tried to start something between them that went beyond friendship and duty, she’d know for sure whether Jessie was right about the attraction going both ways. Which was far better than realizing sometime down the road that he was with her only because he had no other choice.

Freedom of choice was important, no matter what fate and the future planned for them both.

“Earth to Sam. Are you still with me?”

She blinked and looked up at him. “What?”

“I’ve been talking to you for the last few minutes. Did you hear anything I’ve said?”