That just makes me laugh.
Back on the Outside, my bad days would’ve horrified me, made me feel ashamed. But not here.
Here, everyone has bad days.
Like Penny, with her anxiety, who talks so fast that you can’t understand her. Usually, it takes a staff member to calm her down. And Vi, who goes quiet and won’t talk to you even if you begged. There was a day when she didn’t say a single word. And Renn, too. Sometimes she gets super snappy, almost as bad as Annie and you don’t wanna talk to her. It happens when she wants to purge but can’t.
I look around the room and my gaze falls on a brunette who was admitted at the same time as me. In fact, I remember seeing the same fear, same pale complexion on her face as mine during those first few days, while we were trying to get adjusted to this new place, new meds, new rules, away from the only life we’ve known. Everyone looked like an enemy then. A threat. The Heartstone Effect.
I smile at her when she catches my eyes. She looks much better now. I wonder if I look better to her as well.
Roger and Annie are huddled in the corner talking like old friends; I think it’s a good day for them. A tech is trying to get a patient from The Batcave to eat something. A girl from my floor is simply staring down at her food, looking like she’s going to cry. I think she’s having a bad day.
Everyone explodes or implodes in this place. That doesn’t mean they are crazy. Crazy is a useless word anyway.
They are my friends and I missed them too.
“So, what’d I miss?” I ask, and Renn launches into a lengthy summary of this week’s events.
She tells me about all the gossip: A couple of nurses getting into an argument. Annie and Roger might be secretly dating each other. They looked pretty cozy in the TV room last night. Not to mention, right now. Snuggling without snuggling.
“What? That’s completely wrong information. Lisa from 2F? She’s the one dating Roger. I saw them exchange looks the other day,” I point out.
“The other day was last week. Things have changed around here.” Renn shrugs, and then she’s about to say something else, something super important if her wide eyes and eager expression are anything to go by, but things sort of come to a halt when someone walks in through the doors.
A new guy.
He’s not walking in, more like swaggering in, with long, lazy steps. His hands are shoved inside the pockets of his faded jeans as his eyes run across the space. People are watching him openly, but this guy doesn’t seem to care. In fact, when he makes eye contact with Roger, he tips his chin in greeting, but Roger only glares at him and looks away. The new guy doesn’t mind.
“Who’s that?” I ask the table, still watching him as he gets into the breakfast line.
The girl in front of him turns back and checks him out from top to bottom. I can’t see what his reaction is, but the lines of his shoulders say that he’s relaxed and unbothered.
I guess everyone’s getting a little territorial with the arrival of the newcomer.
“Oh, he’s the new guy, I think,” Penny answers, staring at him as well.
“When’d he arrive?” I ask, thinking how come I missed that too.
“Yesterday,” Vi murmurs.
Once the guy’s done loading his breakfast on his tray, he makes his way to the empty tables, and decides on the one diagonal to us.
Actually, it’s not as if he decides on it by discarding all the other options. It’s like this is the place he’s been wanting to sit in since he entered the dining hall. Which is curious because, well, he turned to face the room, his eyes going to the empty table he’s occupying right now, and then his eyes went to our table. Renn, specifically.
It’s curious because Renn wasn’t even facing him. She was focused on stabbing her breakfast while this new guy kept his eyes on her, with a very tiny micro-smile as he walked to the chair and plopped down.
“Do you know him?” I ask Renn.
She stiffens, but questions innocently, “Who?”
“You know who. Why’s he staring at you?”
She plops a piece of fruit in her mouth and shrugs. “How do I know why he’s doing what he’s doing?”
I frown at her, completely confused. “What?”
“What?”
I open my mouth and close it, and open it again. “What’s going on? Why are you acting weird?”
“I’m not acting weird.”
Penny jumps in. “You so are.”
Vi nods.
“Shut up. I’m not.” Renn shifts in her seat, her eyes planted resolutely away from the new guy whose eyes are pinned firmly at her.
“Why aren’t you looking back at him? He’s handsome.” I turn to the girls to get confirmation. “Right?”