Straight Up Love (Boys of Jackson Harbor 2)

He cuts his gaze from mine and studies the big calendar I have taped to my fridge. The silence grows heavy between us. I sip my coffee, waiting him out.

“I love her. I’d just hate to ruin it by rushing into something.”

“You’ve been together for more than two years. Is that really rushing?”

“If we’re meant to be together, what’s the harm in taking our time? Where exactly is it that we’re trying to get to?”

I sigh. I know Ellie doesn’t feel the same way, but the last thing I want to do is guilt my brother into a proposal he’s not ready for. “Just make sure you’re telling her how you feel.”

When he turns back to me, there’s more anguish in his eyes than I would have expected. Sometimes I forget my kid brother isn’t a kid anymore, and he has problems of his own. “I’m not like you, Av. I’m not happy with the status quo. I want more.”

I’m not sure he intended to insult me, but it stings. “Who said I’m happy with the status quo?”

He arches a brow and points to the papers on the table. “So you’re going to go through with the sperm-donor plan?”

“It’s complicated. I think so. Maybe in a couple of months, but . . .”

He folds his arms and studies me, and for a split second I see my father in his stern expression. All the McKinley men look so much alike. “Do you remember when we were kids and Mom sold the camper and put the addition on the house?”

I smile, remembering. I was twelve, and Colton was seven. Mom had gotten the camper in the divorce, but Colt and I hated camping, so we never used it. We convinced her she should sell it and use the money to buy something for herself—an elaborate vacation, a new wardrobe—anything, as long as it was for her. She decided to put an addition on the back of the house with the master bedroom and en suite she’d always dreamed of, and we had so much fun helping her with all the design decisions. “I still can’t believe we talked her into that.”

“Do you remember how excited you were to move into her old bedroom?”

Frowning, I shake my head. “You moved into her old bedroom, not me.”

“I did, but only because you decided you didn’t want to. You were so excited about having all that space and the big windows, but the closer it got to moving day, the more anxious you became. None of your worries made any sense, but you refused to move.”

“Oh, yeah.” I vaguely remember that now. Mom had

said the old master could be mine because I was the oldest, but I decided Colton should have it. I don’t remember why I made my decision, only that afterward I was jealous of Colton. He had space for three friends to roll out sleeping bags during slumber parties, whereas my friends and I had to spend our sleepovers in the living room.

“You were so scared that you’d miss your old room that you refused to take the bigger bedroom even though you wanted it.”

“It worked out okay.” I punch him on the shoulder. “And I don’t remember you complaining.”

“And then when you got the fellowship to get an MFA in drama in New York City . . .? You worked so hard on that application, and when they offered it, you declined.”

“I’d started dating Harrison. It didn’t make sense to leave. And anyway, I avoided a lot of student loan debt by passing on that program.”

He steps forward and taps the stack of potential sperm donors. “And now you want a baby, but you’ve put the brakes on that too.”

My cheeks heat because I’m still embarrassed about my plans, and it’s weird to have this conversation with my brother. “Is my wild-and-free brother actually trying to talk me into having a baby?” I ask.

“Maybe.” He folds his arms. “When Ellie told me she’d successfully stalled your plans, I was pissed. You need to be reminded to go after life, not to be cautious. Your whole life has been cautious.”

“She just doesn’t want me jumping into anything.”

“I know you, sis. You don’t like change. It scares you to death. So I know it’s a big deal for you to have even gone this far. Don’t stop short of your dreams because you’re afraid of change. Change can be good.”

“This decision isn’t just about me. I have the child to consider, and Ellie’s right. It’ll be so hard to do it on my own.”

“The timing will never be perfect.” He narrows his eyes and shakes his head. “You gotta take risks if you want to be happy.”

“Coming from the boy who spends his whole life taking risks and never feeling content, I’m not sure that’s great advice.” I bite my lip. “No offense, Colt.”

“Nah. I get it. We’re different. Maybe you need to be a little more like me, and I need to be a little more like you. But you’re prepared for this. You have a job—two, really, and three if you count that summer thing you do with the kids. And that’s not even accounting for all the rainy-day savings you’ve worked so hard for and refuse to touch.” He taps my nose affectionately, just like he used to when we were kids. “Everything will work out if you just let it.”

“I never would have guessed you’d be so in favor of me doing this.” I expected him to be more like Ellie—terrified I’d be wasting what was left of my youth. But as shocking as it is, it also feels good. I like having my brother on my side.