Dirty, Reckless Love (Boys of Jackson Harbor 3)

I just have to keep reminding myself of that. Tomorrow we’ll talk about what comes next. If she doesn’t plan to stay with me, I’ll try to change her mind and convince her this is the best place she can be. Then I’ll convince myself that I can sleep with her down the hall. I’ll convince myself that I don’t need her any closer and that I can be the friend she needs.

My bedroom door clicks open, and the wedge of light from the hallway grows wider as it swings open. “Levi?”

I sit up in bed, blankets falling to my waist. “Is everything okay?”

She steps into the room, silhouetted by the hallway light behind her. She’s in a T-shirt that comes down nearly to her knees, and she folds her arms across her chest as she scans my room. “Ye

ah. I . . . I don’t want to sleep alone.”

Oh hell. “You don’t have to.” I pull back the covers and pat the bed beside me.

She starts to close the door and hesitates. “Do you mind if I leave it cracked? The dark is . . .”

“It’s fine. I don’t mind.” She pushes the door closed until only a sliver of light slants in from the hallway. I listen to her feet pad across the carpet and try to make sense of the tangle of emotions tightening my chest.

I hate that she’s scared. I love that she’s here.

She climbs onto the mattress and immediately rolls to her side, curling away from me. I shove my hands into my hair to keep them from reaching for her, but damn. Even from two feet away, I can feel her trembling.

“Hey,” I whisper. “It’s okay. I’m right here.”

“I have sleeping pills. My doctor insisted on prescribing them, but I just . . . I don’t like taking anything.”

“It’s okay.” I roll to my side and wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her back against my chest. “I’ve got you.”

Little by little, she stops shaking and the tension in her back melts away. I lie there, listening to the sound of her breathing until it becomes low and even with the rhythm of sleep. Even then, I hold on to her—so she knows she’s not alone. So I know she’s safe.

Ellie

Friday, October 26th

Colton comes to me in my dreams. Flashes of his smoldering gaze. His reassuring smile. His rough touches and sweet caresses. He fucks me in the shower, pressing my breasts against the cold tiles as he enters me from behind. He whispers dirty promises in my ear and reaches around to stroke my clit.

I’m half awake, half dreaming when he pulls me into his arms and holds me tight. It feels so good to have his warmth against me. How long has it been since we’ve had a lazy Saturday morning together or stayed in bed half the day? Neither of us in a rush to get anywhere, his cock hard against my ass, his body ready for me and mine preparing for him even as sleep drags me back under.

Dreams mingles with reality, wakefulness with sleep, and I arch my back and moan, rubbing my ass against him. I grab his hand from my waist and guide it up to my breast. His hiss against my neck is hot and so delicious that I groan. Sleep catches me in its web, even as his fingers tease my nipples and his cock grows thicker. I fade in and out, letting him explore me as we remember this old rhythm we used to know so well.

He kisses the back of my neck. “Are you sure this is okay?” he whispers.

The veil of sleep is jerked away. I’m yanked from my dream and stiffen in Levi’s arms. Colton. I was dreaming of Colton. Of happier days and simpler times. I’d forgotten I was in Levi’s bed.

“Ellie? Are you okay?”

I roll away from him and climb out of the bed, putting my hand over my mouth as I shake my head. “I’m sorry.” I swallow. “I’m so sorry. I thought you were . . .” The moment I see Levi pale is the moment I wish I’d never started that sentence. Levi doesn’t want to hear that I thought he was Colton. I grimace. “Shit. I’m so sorry.”

He climbs out of bed, his thick erection obvious through his athletic shorts. I make myself turn away. Now, thinking about how good he felt pressed against me, I want to look. I want to rewind and let myself experience waking up in Levi’s arms. Levi, who’s good and strong and steady. Levi, who’s safe and warm and . . . more. I wish I understood exactly what he is to me, but this feeling I get in my chest when he’s close isn’t something that can be answered with a simple question. I need my memories.

“Sorry.” His voice is low and husky, and it does something to my belly. When I peek at him in my peripheral vision, he’s grabbing clothes from his closet, still not looking at me. “I should have known you were sleeping. I should have—”

“Don’t. Please, Levi? Don’t take the blame for this.”

He turns to meet my eyes. “This isn’t all or nothing for me, Ellie. I didn’t let you stay here because I expected anything to happen, and I don’t need more than friendship from you if that’s all you have to give.”

No wonder I feel this connection to him. So much for being a bad boy like I thought the night we met. Levi’s gotta be the best guy I’ve ever known. “I don’t know what I want.”

“You don’t need to. You’ve been through a lot. I’m not some asshole who doesn’t understand that.” He grimaces and drags a hand through his hair. “You tell me not to take the blame for this, but the truth is, I shouldn’t have touched you.”

I stare at him, fighting back the urge to argue. I don’t want to betray Colton with Levi, but I don’t want him to feel like he needs to keep his distance from me either. I bite my tongue to keep myself from trying to explain feelings I don’t understand myself. “I was wearing his ring. Aren’t you pissed at me for that? Even a little?”