Lost In Me (Here and Now 1)

“We’ll help you remember, Han-Han,” Lizzy says.

“It doesn’t work like that.” Nix moves to the computer in the corner and types something in. “But tell her whatever she needs to return to living her life. Those memories might be back before you know it.”

“Cally and Maggie are in the waiting room,” Lizzy says. “I’m going to run out and give them an update. Can I get you anything?”

A healthy memory? Evidence that this isn?

??t all just some bizarre dream? “No. I’m fine. Thanks.”

Lizzy leaves, and exhaustion sweeps over me. My eyelids are heavy and my thoughts muddy with the implications of everything I’ve learned in the last fifteen minutes.

“When do I get to go home?” I ask in a whisper.

The doctor taps at the keyboard a few more times before turning to me. “Not today and probably not tomorrow. We need to run the tests and observe you for the next twenty-four to thirty-six hours. If everything goes as well as can be expected, you can go home after that.”

Max takes my hand between his two warm ones.

Nix checks the display panel on the tower connected to my IV and presses a few buttons. “Let the nurses know if you need anything. Unfortunately, because of the head injury, we can’t give you much for the pain other than Tylenol and ibuprofen, but try to sleep as much as you can. I’ll see you on my rounds tomorrow.” She flips off the lights at the door. “Rest. Take good care of her, Max. You know how to reach me.”

I sleep fitfully, the pain in my head and ribs keeping me from settling into my dreams. When the early morning sun peeks in between the curtains, Max is still in the chair next to my bed. He’s slumped over, sleeping, his dark hair falling into his face. I want to reach out and brush it back.

I try to roll to my side, but the movement puts pressure on my ribs and sends a jolt of pain through my center. I bite back my cry, but not before it wakes Max. He hops out of his chair and comes to stand by my side.

“Are you okay? What hurts?”

Eyes closed, I focus on my breathing. Inhaling. Exhaling.

“Do you want me to call the nurse? They can give you something else for the pain.” His face is etched with worry as he scans mine.

“I’m okay,” I assure him, because I know they can’t give me anything else. “I’m just a little banged up.”

“Okay.” He lets out a breath and drags his hand through his hair. “This has been hell, you know. The last couple of days. You couldn’t even carry on a conversation. They’d ask you one question, and by the time you answered it, you’d be confused all over again. I thought…” He shakes his head. “I didn’t know if I’d ever get you back.”

I have to swallow the thickness in my throat. “I’m here now.”

After dragging the chair another foot closer to the bed, he sits and takes my hand. He toys with the ring on my finger, and a smile plays at his lips. “I like seeing this on you.”

“You gave me this ring?” I whisper.

He lifts my hand and presses a gentle kiss to my knuckle right above the diamond. “I did.”

“Why? I mean…how? I mean…” I bite my lip. My stomach is a mess of nerves.

He tucks a lock of hair behind my ear and gives a sad smile, his fingers working tiny circles on my palm. “How? I’m just a lucky bastard, I guess.”

“Hmm.” I rest my head back on my pillow and relax. “Sounds like it. Lucky guy is engaged to a girl who has a beat-up face and can’t even remember dating him.”

“Surely I can work this to my advantage.” His eyes crinkle in the corners with his smile. He is so damn handsome. “Let me remind you all the ways I was the world’s greatest boyfriend. The flowers, the foot massages, the…what else?”

“Coach bags,” I supply. “The many Coach bags you bought me during our courtship.”

“I’ll admit, I never bought you a Coach bag.”

I scoff. “And I accepted your proposal?”

“I love you, Hanna,” he says softly, and more surprising than the words is this feeling in my chest. As if something there knows what he says is true, even if my mind can’t remember how we got here.

“I…” What am I supposed to say? To echo the words back to him would ring empty. We both know I don’t remember being with him, let alone falling in love. I’m sure I love you too? That option seems like a kick in the pants.