Lost In Me (Here and Now 1)

“She’s sure,” Lizzy says. “It’s delicious, and she hasn’t stopped working all day to eat lunch.”

I think about it and realize she’s right. I had some plain oatmeal for breakfast around five, but I haven’t had anything since. No wonder I’m famished.

Mom lifts a brown paper bag and beams. “That’s why I brought you a healthy lunch.”

I have to bite back a groan. My old self hated the crap she used to feed me. Leafy greens without dressing, carrots, and way more chicken breast than any reasonable human would want to consume. Hell, the boob-loving men of the world should probably thank her. It was probably all those hormone-filled chicken breasts that gave me boobs by age thirteen.

“What did you bring?” Liz asks. “Some weeds and sticks for her to nibble on?”

“Elizabeth,” Mom scolds. “We can’t all have your metabolism. And that’s going to catch up with you someday.”

Lizzy glares defiantly and takes another big bite of her scone.

“Stop trying to make me out to be the bad guy here,” Mom objects. “I’m just helping Hanna with something she decided was important to her months ago.”

My size has always been important to me. Because she taught me to believe it was. But three months ago it must have become so important that I took measures I’d never stooped to before. Last night I found diet pills in the back of my cabinet. Add those to the starvation and unhealthy amounts of exercise. And so much of it cloaked in secrecy that it sickens me to think about it.

But Mom doesn’t know about Dr. Perkins. She doesn’t know I was making myself sick.

There’s no reason to make her worry, though, so I paste on a smile and say, “What’s for lunch?”

Mom smiles approvingly. “Chopped grilled chicken, greens, and a tiny sliver of avocado in a low-carb, whole-grain wrap.” She hands the bag over, and I dig out her homemade lunch. “Eat, and then we have an appointment at Cleanstein’s.”

I pause with the wrap halfway to my mouth. “At the wedding dress shop?”

“Of course. You’re getting married in five weeks. We’re going to have to buy off the rack as is. We need to start shopping last week.”

I try to swallow around the tightness in my throat. Is no one going to ask if I want to be planning my wedding? If I want to rush my engagement?

Mom sniffs, and I realize there are tears in her eyes. “After Maggie’s canceled wedding and Krystal’s disaster of a ceremony, you can imagine how excited I am about yours.” She squeezes my hand. “There’s just something so special about Max.”

“Speak of the devil,” Liz mutters as Max pushes through the door into the kitchen.

My heart stumbles in my chest at the sight of him. He’s got a light stubble going on today, and he’s still disheveled from his run.

“Oh, hello, Max!” my mom croons. God, she loves him so much.

“How are New Hope’s three most beautiful women?” he asks with a wink.

“We’re peachy,” Liz says. “How’s New Hope’s biggest suck-up?”

Max draws me into a hug and presses a kiss to my forehead. “Does your sister hate me?” he asks loud enough for her to hear.

“No. She’s just cranky that Mom didn’t bring her lunch.”

Lizzy snorts at the same moment my mom says, “Oh, I’m so sorry, Liz! I won’t forget you next time!”

“How are you?” I ask Max. We’ve barely seen each other the last few days. He almost always trains late at the club, and I get horrible headaches if I don’t get enough rest, so I’ve been going to bed early. I haven’t found the courage to ask him to sleep with me—in the literal or figurative sense of the phrase.

“I’m good,” he says. “What are you up to this afternoon? Can I steal you away for a while? I miss my girl.” He ducks his head and steals a bite of my wrap, and because there’s something very twisted and wrong with me, I actually find the movement of his jaw as he chews sexy as all hell. Then again, it’s Max, and everything he does is sexy.

“No horning in on our plans this afternoon,” Mom says. “We are going wedding dress shopping.”

Max’s eyes light up and he looks at me like I’ve just given him some amazing gift. “Yeah?”

I’m gonna burn in hell for hurting this sweet, sweet man. “Yeah,” I say, though I hadn’t even decided until that moment that I was going to let my mom talk me into it.

Max grins. “Well, I guess I can sacrifice an afternoon with you if that’s the reason behind it.”