Lost In Me (Here and Now 1)

“Apparently not,” I say.

“How do you know?” Nix asks quietly.

“I saw him over the weekend and asked. He said we didn’t.” I frown. “You’re my doctor. What do you know about this that I’m not remembering?”

Nix breaks a cracker in half and avoids my eyes. “We can have this conversation in private later.”

“I want to have it now. These ladies already know my worst secret. Tell me what you know.”

She holds up her hands in defense. “Nothing, really. I was not privy to the details of your sex life. And you certainly never told me you were involved with Nate Crane, sexually or otherwise.”

“But…” I prod.

“But you came in at the beginning of August and talked to me about birth-control options. You’d had some problems with headaches when you were on hormonal contraceptives in high school, so you wanted to know about some other options and decided that condoms and a diaphragm was the right combination for you.”

“So I got a diaphragm?”

“We fitted you for one.”

“Did I tell you anything else?”

She breaks another cracker and sweeps a small pile of crumbs in front of her. “You were still a virgin when we talked, according to you. But you didn’t think…”

“You’re killing me with the suspense,” Liz says. “She didn’t think what?”

Nix shrugs. “She didn’t think she’d make it more than a couple more weeks.”

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Cally says. “She could have been planning to sleep with Max.”

Thunder claps, and half a second later, the apartment goes black, blessedly ending the awkward conversation.

“Candles,” I announce. “I’ll find candles. And…matches or something.”

I hear a click, and the next thing I know, a single flame is illuminating my friends’ faces from the lighter in Nix’s hand. “I’ve got us halfway there.”

“You carry a lighter?”

“And a pocketknife,” she says proudly. “I had four Eagle Scouts for big brothers. Always be prepared and all that jazz.”

“Do you need help looking for the candles?” Liz asks.

“No. I know where to look.”

I head toward the bedroom, my mind still churning on the implications of what Nix just told me. If I was getting birth control only a couple of weeks before the accident, that could mean I’d decided to accept Max’s proposal. Or it could mean I’d decided to earn my scarlet letter after all.

“They’re not in the kitchen?” Maggie calls, and I can already hear her opening drawers and rummaging through them.

“Maybe, but I know I store scented candles in my drawers. They work better than sachets for keeping clothes smelling fresh.”

“She’s so girly,” Nix says. “I need you guys to teach me how to be girly. Could you? For my birthday?”

I feel my way to my dresser and pull open the top drawer. Fumbling through piles of cotton and satin and lace, I finally find what I’m looking for. “Found one! It’s a taper candle, so we’ll have to hold it until we can find a candleholder, but this should get us started.”

As I leave the bedroom, lightning flashes and floods the apartment for two beats. Then we’re left in darkness again.

I fumble with the candle as I scoot my way back toward the kitchen. It’s kind of an odd shape. I wonder if it melted in the heat and re-formed or something. I hope no wax melted on my undies. “Nix, can you light your lighter again? I can’t find the wick.”

With a metallic click, the lighter blazes, and I lift the candle. “Do you see the wick anywhere?”