Lost In Me (Here and Now 1)

“Sure,” Nix says. “Let’s talk about what we’re going to do for Cally’s bachelorette party.”

The girls start chattering about their plans and ideas, but I can’t seem to focus on the conversation. My mind is playing and replaying the memory of Nate Crane’s wicked eyes watching me as he rubs the vibrator over my inner thighs.

“What do you think, Hanna?” Lizzy asks.

“Um, what?” Stop thinking about the vibrator. Stop thinking about Nate holding the vibrator.

Maggie laughs. “We’re trying to decide whether or not we should crash Will’s bachelor party. He’s not going to be able to talk Sam out of the strip club, so we’re thinking we should show up.”

“Oh, that could be fun.” Stop thinking about Nate Crane.

But it’s useless. I finally have a memory of Nate Crane, and instead of helping me let him go, I’m so wrapped up in it I feel lost and confused all over again.

June—Two Months Before Accident

The ribbon-wrapped box sits on the crisp white linens of the hotel bed, and I creep toward it, unable to resist the lure of an unexpected gift.

Strong arms encase me from behind, and I feel Nate’s breath hot in my ear. “I got you something.” His mouth drops to my neck, where he nibbles his way down to my shoulder and sends little shivers whipping through me.

I close my eyes against the pleasure and moan. “I saw that. You shouldn’t have.”

“Hmm,” he groans, his hands already sliding inside my shirt. “You shouldn’t say that until you know what it is. It might be more for me than it is for you.” His fingers skim over my belly then slide into the band of my jeans and sweep lower, sending my knees weak. “You want to open it?”

“You’re kind of making me want something else right now.”

He chuckles and nips my neck one last time before pulling away and grabbing the box off the bed.

“You should stop buying me things,” I protest lamely.

“Don’t steal my joy, woman.” He nudges the gift toward me, and I take it in my hands and pull off the lid.

I’d like to pretend I’m one of those worldly girls who doesn’t shock or embarrass easily, but I’m not. The gift inside this box both shocks and embarrasses me, but I make myself pick it up and hold it in my hand as I say, “Thank you?” Unfortunately, any attempt at sincerity is lost when the words come out like a question.

He chuckles. “You don’t sound like you mean it.”

“Um, no, I do mean it. Thanks.” I put the box down on the bed and study the object. “I just… I’m not sure why…”

“It’s a vibrator, Hanna. Not a medieval torture device.” He steps closer and closes my hand over the toy, twisting its shaft under my fingers.

“Oh!” I squeak when it starts buzzing in my hands, but he holds tight, keeping my fingers wrapped around it. A giggle slips from my lips. “Um…should I be worried that you said this is more for you than me? I mean, I’m game to try new things, but I’ve never been with a guy who wanted—”

He grunts. “Not like that.”

“No. I want to give you what you want. Um…” I motion toward the bed and bite my lip as laughter bubbles up in my chest. “Bend over?”

He grins and steps closer. “I have other plans, but thanks for the offer. Means a lot.”

“I’m very open-minded,” I say sagely.

“Your face when you opened it doesn’t support that claim. Have you ever used one of these before?”

My lips part as his hands lead mine over the vibrating shaft in long, lewd movements that kind of turn me on. “I guess I would just prefer the real thing. You know. If someone would give it to me.” I pout. “It’s the least you could do when you’re going to be leaving me for the Middle East in September.”

“I promise, having sex now wouldn’t make a month apart any easier.”

My shoulders sag. “I hate that you’re going. I’m going to be worried sick until you’re home safe.”

He groans and nips at my ear. His hot lips sweep over my neck and then his hands slip under my shirt, making circles around my navel. “You’re cute when you’re worried about me. Now get naked and lay your sweet ass on that bed so I can show you just what I want you to do with this.”