Lost In Me (Here and Now 1)

“Damn, looking good, Hanna,” Sam says when he spots me. He’s almost vertical, though remaining upright appears to be a struggle, and he smells like a bottle of scotch.

“Thank you, Sam.”

He winks at Liz. “You too, I guess.”

“Gee, thanks,” Liz drones. “I’m just wondering what Meredith was doing here.”

Sam shrugs. “She just wanted to hang for a while. But watch out, Hanna,” he says, raising his drink. “She’s apparently given up on Will and set her sights on your man. She could hardly keep her hands off him tonight.”

“Hanna,” Liz whispers, but I’m already rushing away from them, hurrying toward Max before my fear of the truth trumps my need to know.

Max does a double take when he sees me. “What are you doing here?”

I hold out my hand. “Give me your phone.” I’m not sure what’s shaking more, my hand or my voice.

His smile falters. “What’s wrong? Did something happen to Cally?”

A wave of nausea hits me hard, and I slide my hand into his pocket and retrieve the phone myself.

“Hanna, stop.” His voice is hard, but before he can take it from me, Lizzy’s there, pushing him back.

“What’s going on?” Will asks. Then he sees Cally and grins. “My night just got a hell of a lot better.”

I swipe my finger over the screen to unlock it,

and Max whispers, “Can we talk about this?”

But it’s too late. I’ve already pulled up the texts on his phone and found the messages that came after our engagement party.

Meredith: I need a favor. Can you be here in ten?

Meredith: Fuck you, Max. I’m losing my mind. She’s your baby too. Come over here and give me a fucking break.

I lift my head, and Max looks so damn forlorn I’d feel sorry for him if it weren’t for this terrible ache in my chest. “Is this a joke?” My whole world is this elaborately woven tapestry, and he’s holding the single loose strand. If he tugs, it will unravel. If he pulls just right, it will all fall apart.

Liz takes the phone from my hands and reads. “Holy baby mama drama.”

“But…she bought sperm, right?” I gulp in air and remind myself to breathe. “She was artificially inseminated.”

Max looks to Will, who’s holding Cally in his arms. Will looks confused. He can join the fucking club.

“I’m sorry, brother,” Max says. “You weren’t serious about her and you know I’ve always been hung up on Meredith. Like an idiot. But I swear I didn’t sleep with her until after Cally came back.”

Will’s chest rises and falls and his jaw hardens. “Man, you’re apologizing to the wrong person.”

Max’s gaze shifts back to me and he shakes his head. “I didn’t know the baby was mine. I…suspected, maybe? But she said she’d been artificially inseminated. She didn’t tell me the baby was mine until weeks after she was born.”

“When was that?” I whisper.

“About three months ago.”

My heart hurts.

Lizzy smacks Max in the chest. “And when were you going to tell Hanna, huh?”

“She already knew.” He swallows but doesn’t take his eyes off me. “I just hadn’t told her again yet.” He drops his voice. “I didn’t know how. Say something, Hanna.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “But I think I need to leave.”