Lost In Me (Here and Now 1)

When I turn back to the hot tub, his eyes are on me again, hot and greedy and…something else. There’s something more in those eyes this time. Sadness?

“Take the bra off too,” he orders as I step in.

“Dream on.” I sink into the water and have to swallow back a sigh as it bubbles around me and warms my skin. I’ve had such a long, shitty day, and I could really use a relaxing soak. Instead, I’ll talk to this jackass. Did I actually believe he was the person I needed when my heart was hurting?

He’s watching me carefully. “Last time we talked, you made it profoundly clear you didn’t want to see me again.”

“I changed my mind.”

“Yet I don’t remember inviting you here.”

“You sure know how to make a girl feel welcome. And is this seriously your house? It doesn’t seem like you at all.”

“Oh, so you know me now? Is that memory back?”

My cheeks burn with my blush. “Some of it.”

“Yeah?” He drops his gaze down to my breasts. “Anything good?”

“I remembered that I broke up with Max. I remembered that I never cheated on him. I remembered how much he hurt me.”

He sighs and leans his head back on the edge of the tub. “I’m not interested in being some prop for revenge.”

“This isn’t about revenge.”

He doesn’t look at me. “Sure it isn’t.”

“I called off the wedding.”

“I’ll believe that when his ring’s not on your finger. Why are you here, Hanna?”

“I’m here because nothing is as it seemed and…” And what? Why am I here? “You said you were in love with me.”

“Yeah, well, what was it you said? We all make mistakes?”

“Was the mistake being in love with me or telling me that you were?” I don’t know why it matters so much that I know, but right now it seems so important that I’d do almost anything to get an honest answer from him.

“What do you want from me?” He sounds almost bored.

I scan the party going on in full swing around us. The women, the booze, the superficial bullshit. “I just want to talk to you. Without all these people. Without all the secrets.”

He lifts a brow and grabs a phone from the ledge of the tub. He taps the screen then puts it down, and within seconds, Jamaal is coming out the back door with several other men in black suits.

“Party’s over,” Jamaal calls. “Thank you for coming. We hope you had a good time. Now it’s time to leave. You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.”

I blink in amazement as everyone does as he says, and minutes later, Nate and I are alone, the music is off, and the only sound is the whir of the hot tub’s jets and the hum of traffic in the distance.

“That better?” he asks softly. And maybe he’s not as drunk as I thought. And maybe he’s not bored with my presence. His eyes dip to my cleavage and back up, roaming over my face. Again, I get that feeling that he’s drinking me in. Memorizing me.

I swallow. The truth is that I want to memorize him too. The hard angles of his cheekbones and jaw, the dark brown of his bedroom eyes, the softness of his beautiful mouth.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he whispers.

“Why not? Maybe I should have let myself look at you the night you showed up in my bed. Maybe I should have made you talk to me then. Maybe if I knew what you know, I’d understand why I chose him instead of you.”

He lets out a breath and closes his eyes. I gather every bit of my courage and turn to him, straddling his lap and wrapping my arms behind his neck.

His eyes fly open. “What are you doing?”