Fall to You (Here and Now 2)

Across the room, Lizzy, Hanna’s twin, says something that makes Max laugh, but he can’t keep his eyes off Hanna. Like he’s afraid she might disappear if he looks away too long. I don’t know what happened between them, but I convinced myself that he wasn’t attracted to her—or at least that he made her think he wasn’t. That was the only explanation I could come up with for her insecurities and relative lack of experience. Now that I see them together, I know it’s not true.

“See if she and Max want to stay after and use the pool,” Asher says, completely oblivious to the knife he’s digging into my back. “We’ll be on our way out of town, and Nate won’t mind.”

Maggie nods, worry creasing her brow as she studies her sister. “That’s a good idea. She’s been so busy with the bakery. They could probably use the extra alone time.”

Well, fuck this. “I think I’m going to crash.” I dump my beer in the sink. When I told Hanna I’d be in New Hope this week, she warned me that I might see her with Max and that they were trying to look like a happy couple around her family. I promised that I wouldn’t say a word. That promise is starting to feel like a deal with the devil.

What am I even doing? Vivian called me yesterday and told me that they’re not moving to Tennessee. She’s getting a divorce.

“Why?” I asked. “What happened?”

“He can’t handle the fact that I’m still in love with you.”

Before I could even process her words, her whispered apologies, I was accepting flying to Indiana, pushing Vivian’s words from my mind to make room for thoughts of Hanna.

“We were good together. Why didn’t we try harder?”

Vivian is offering me something I’ve wanted for years. The chance to make a real family with my son. And the only thing I could think was that I didn’t want to let Hanna go.

I have to end this. I’ve told myself that a thousand times, but it’s never been so obvious as it is tonight. I pull my phone from my pocket.

Nate: Can’t meet up tonight. Something came up.

Across the room, Hanna looks at her phone and blinks at the screen. Her eyes meet mine, her expression full of hurt and resignation. That’s the look of a woman who expects men to hurt her, who expects to be left alone. And I feel like fucking shit for being the one who put it there.

One Week Before Hanna’s Accident

“ARE YOU sure you should be drinking another?”

Maggie, of all effing people, is looking at me like some concerned mother hen. Maggie, of all people, is hinting that maybe I’m drinking too much.

I glare at her and throw back the tequila. The white kind. Like Nate introduced me to.

Fucking asshole.

As soon as I think the words, I’m swamped with guilt. He made the score clear from the beginning, didn’t he? He showed his cards, and I still insisted on playing the game. But damn did it hurt when I saw that magazine cover. I was at the drugstore buying some of those diet pills that help keep my appetite in check and there it was, right by the checkout.

I did a double take.

No. Not Nate. Someone who looks like Nate…

That’s an old picture…

It’s been digitally altered. It didn’t really happen…

Eventually, I was out of excuses. While I stood there staring at the newsstand, the diet pills and the contents of my purse scattered across the floor.

That was definitely Nate. I know that jaw. That hair. Those biceps.

It was definitely not an old picture. Vivian’s latest haircut made headlines, so I’m well aware that the picture couldn’t be more than two weeks old.

And if it was digitally altered? Well, if it was, it was a damn fine job.

But why wouldn’t he kiss the mother of his child in front of that swanky LA restaurant? Why wouldn’t he let her slide her hands into his hair and press her breasts against his chest? Why wouldn’t he do anything he pleased with anyone he pleased?

He hadn’t promised me anything, and in the last two weeks, he hasn’t called or texted, hasn’t invited me to meet up with him. It’s over, and that shouldn’t take me by surprise.

“I’ll take another shot,” I call out to no one in particular.