Crazy for Your Love (Boys of Jackson Harbor 5)

I race out the door and run to the opposite end of the hall and up the stairs to our suite, unlocking the door and shutting it softly behind me. It’s too quiet in here, and the silence rings in my ears.

Carter is sitting on the couch, his head buried in his hands.

“When you walked in . . . it wasn’t what it looked like.” My voice is shaking, and when he lifts his head and levels that weary gaze on me, everything else seems insignificant. I don’t care about Rich or my parents or the pictures. I want to make him stop looking at me like that.

“That’s good,” Carter says, his voice rough, “because it looked pretty damn bad.”

“I don’t want him.”

“Because you don’t want anyone, right? Sure, you date and pretend you’re looking for that special someone, but you’ll never let any of them get too close. You never wanted me to get too close. If I did, I might have seen that you were a little broken inside, like the rest of us.”

I gape at him, anger slashing through me. “You’re going to accuse me of hiding my feelings? What about you, Carter? What about the way you’ve been sleeping around to avoid your pain and guilt? You can’t pretend that’s not a coping mechanism. Not with me. I lived that shit.”

Exhaustion lines his face as he shakes his head. “I showed you my ugly insides. But I don’t do lies, Teagan. Not with the people who matter to me. Not with you. If you don’t want your parents to know what happened between you and Rich all those years ago, then fine. Don’t tell them. But don’t hide behind me one second and arrange to meet him in private the next.”

I can’t catch my breath. I keep trying, but I can’t seem to force air into my lungs. “What do you mean, what happened between me and Rich? I told you.”

“Did you? Everything?” He huffs and drags a hand through his hair. “I talked to Sabrina tonight. She said you weren’t faithful to Heath.”

Of course Sabrina said something. After all these years, I knew she’d be the one. “She doesn’t know anything.”

“Really?” He grunts out a laugh, but his face twists into a nasty sneer. At me. He’s sneering at me. I want to hate him for that sneer. To walk away. But part of me will always believe I deserve to be seen the way he sees me right now. “Did you cheat on Heath with Rich?”

Even when I know they’re coming, the words are a blow to my gut. “No,” I say between clenched teeth. “I never cheated on Heath.”

“So you’ve told me everything? Shown me all your ugly insides?” He stares at me, and when I don’t answer, he nods. “Exactly. You have no plans on opening up about what’s really between you and Rich. But why would you? This is just pretend. You and me? This is over the second your family leaves town.”

“I never said that.”

“I offered you more. I told you what I want. You didn’t say no, but where I come from, when a woman doesn’t say yes, you take it as a fucking no.”

My chest shudders as I pull in a breath. This hurts. “And what about you? You got all this from Sabrina? Did you fuck her tonight too?”

Those dark chocolate eyes go cold. “You know I wouldn’t.”

“I know you did. Last month when she was here, you fucked her. You want to know why I keep pulling away?” I ask, folding my arms. “That’s why. Because no matter how attracted I am to you, no matter how good we are in bed together . . . I’m not interested in being one of your days of the week.”

“Jesus, Teagan. You know I want more than that.”

I know he does—I do. I knew the objection was bullshit the second it came out of my mouth. “I can’t.” God, this hurts, and I know I’m making it worse, but I’m so scared. I feel my heart breaking again—breaking like it did when Heath accused me of wanting Rich more than him, accused me of doing what he asked and liking it too much, breaking like it did when the chief of police came to the door hours after our worst fight and told me Heath was dead. I can’t love someone like that again. “I’m sorry, Carter, but I can’t.” He stands and steps toward me, but I’m already backing out of the room. “I’m going to stay with Saanvi tonight. I understand if you want to leave.”

“I’ll go to the wedding. I’ll pretend we’re whatever you want me to pretend to be.”

I swallow hard. The tears are coming, and once they start, I’ll be a mess. “You don’t have to.”