If It's Only Love (Boys of Jackson Harbor 6)

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, and I didn’t want my family to worry, so I only told Easton. He surprised me by showing up, and we were together for the first time. We were going to give being a real couple a shot—despite the distance and how different our lives were. We both wanted to try. But then he found out Scarlett was pregnant, and all our plans just . . . They weren’t relevant anymore.” I swipe my thumb across the words of his text. “I knew he wasn’t choosing Scarlett over me. I knew he was choosing Abi, which pretty much means I’m a terrible person.”

“No,” Teagan says. “Not at all.”

“Tea, I wanted him to choose me over his child and then resented him for years when he didn’t.” The shame of it makes me feel ugly, and I bow my head to hide my face. “Who does that?”

She makes a face. “Is that what you wanted, though? For him to choose you over his child? You didn’t ask him to walk away and shirk his responsibility.”

“To Easton, asking him not to be with his daughter’s mother would’ve been the same as asking him to walk away from his daughter. He didn’t have a family growing up. His dad was shit. He called when it suited him but ignored East the rest of the time. He wanted better than that for his daughter.”

“But Abi isn’t even his kid, right? And didn’t I read that he knew she wasn’t his?”

I shake my head. “He didn’t at first. I don’t know exactly when he found out, but when he married Scarlett, he believed she was having his baby. I think by the time he found out the truth . . .” I shrug. “Easton’s a good guy, and I’m sure he’s a good dad. DNA wouldn’t change his love and sense of responsibility toward his little girl.”

“Don’t beat yourself up. Easton made choices, and those choices affected you. You had every right to be upset.”

I shrug. “Maybe. Maybe not. But I can’t change how I felt then, only how I act now.”

“Interesting.”

I know that face. Teagan has opinions and she’s not sharing. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

She bites her bottom lip and shakes her head. “I don’t know if you want to hear my thoughts.”

“I do. Seriously. I’m stuck with mine all day.” I tap my head. “I’m kind of making myself nuts and desperate to hear someone else’s take on the situation.”

She blows out a breath. “Okay. I’m thinking that you swore you want nothing to do with Easton, but as soon as he’s back in town, you break up with your secret boyfriend. Meanwhile, Easton is everywhere—at brunch, at the bar, even taking a job at your college. And your reaction to a fight with him is to have some against-the-wall sex. Doesn’t that tell you anything?”

“It tells me I’m a mess and that the sixteen-year-old pathetic crush part of my brain hasn’t been completely overridden yet.”

“Or . . . maybe you still have feelings for him.”

I might always love him. “I didn’t break up with George so I could date Easton.”

“But do you want to?”

“Date him?” My laugh sounds a little crazed. “Nothing I want from Easton could ever be that simple, but I think for a minute tonight maybe I believed we could make it work. But then Scarlett showed up, and I flipped out.”

Teagan stands and offers me her hand. “Another sleepover?”

“Is Carter working?”

“No, he’s just meeting some friends at the bar. He’ll be back soon.”

I shake my head. I don’t want my brother guessing at how messed up I am right now, not with his relationship with Easton and history of protectiveness. “I think I’ll go home. It’s been a long day, and I fly out to Oklahoma tomorrow for my Monday interview.”

“Shit, I forgot about that. You’re not going to cancel?”

“I don’t know what I want to do yet, so it would be silly to shut down my options.” I guess this means I won’t see Easton until after he comes back with his daughter and moves in. I force a smile. “And anyway, time away is probably good. I need to figure out how to apologize to Easton for Hulking out on him tonight.”

And I need to figure out how I feel. Because when I got that condom from the desk, I thought maybe I could try with him, and that confidence fizzled away when I heard Scarlett’s name. I need to figure out what exactly I want from him, and right now I’m so scared to feel these old desires that I’m not sure I can trust my judgment.

Easton

I’m back at Jackson Brews, Scarlett is settled into a room at the Tiffany B&B, and Shay is God knows where. I’m loitering in the hopes that I’ll see her. She never replied to my text, and my stomach sours every time I consider that she might be with Professor Douche.