I took a deep breath. Landon had betrayed my trust, there was no doubt about that. He’d hidden what he did for a living from me, made me believe he was someone he wasn’t, and I’d stupidly thought that what we had together was special. It was all lies. But being with him had made me realize that I was done running away. That I wanted something more than just a paycheck, and I couldn’t shut those feelings down. I didn’t want to.
I pulled out one of the study guides from the pile. I should really open one of these things. Just to see if I was even capable of passing an entrance exam.
“So now your future career is set, have you thought much about . . . you know . . . other things? And when I say other things, you get I mean Landon, right?”
“Nope,” I replied. I’d thought of little else but Landon. The betrayal and disappointment he’d caused drifted into the misery of being back in Ohio, and it all hovered around me as if I were walking around in a big, dull cloud.
“These army guys aren’t very emotionally evolved.”
“How are you and Harvey doing?” I asked, taking the chance to distract August.
She sighed. “Things are fading out. We don’t see each other much, and we’re both so busy.”
“I’m sorry. I thought it was all good between you.”
“Don’t worry about it. It wasn’t as if we were some great love affair that ended in disaster.”
“That’s yachting for you,” I said.
“But not for you,” she replied.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean you and Landon were different. Worth fighting for.”
“That’s not true. We were—” I remembered him telling me how we were never going to grow old together. “Only for a summer.”
“I don’t believe that for a second. He’s worn a gloomy expression since you left and never leaves his room unless he’s on shift. And given that you fled the continent as soon as you split and haven’t been answering your phone? It doesn’t seem like it was just a summer fling.”
Was Landon gloomy? Over me? Sounded unlikely. He wanted me to quit, so I didn’t make a fuss. He didn’t try to talk me out of it.
“Have you heard from him at all?” she asked.
“Of course not. Why would I have?” I hadn’t even hoped he’d call. I’d wanted to be as far away from him as possible. I’d invited lies back into my world when I thought I’d successfully banished them forever.
“I thought he’d apologized for whatever it was he did.”
I hadn’t told August what he’d said to me outside the restaurant—just that Landon had apologized for keeping things from me. I couldn’t bear to think about how he’d taken the most awful things of my past and tortured me with them. I still didn’t understand how the honorable, funny, protective man who I’d known for weeks had morphed into the cruel, cold stranger who’d watched from the upper deck as I left the Sapphire and hadn’t said a word.
“An apology wouldn’t change anything.” Lying was a line in the sand for me, and Landon hadn’t just skirted around the truth—everything about him, including his last name, had been made up.
But worse, when I’d been upset about the lies, he’d lashed out in the worst possible way—said things that would echo through me for the rest of my life. He wasn’t the man I’d thought he was. I’d trusted him and he’d betrayed me. I’d thought he was one kind of man when he turned out to be the worst kind of man.
“So you just give up?” she asked. “Isn’t it worth giving him a second chance? You two were so good together.”
I rolled my eyes. August had clearly fallen for the good-guy act that Landon put on. “Landon’s in my past. That’s where he’s going to stay.” I kept telling myself that over and over again, but it didn’t make the thoughts of him disappear. Those weeks with him had been so . . . real. At least for me. The way he’d held me, looked at me. The way he’d kissed me. I’d let myself believe I could have a relationship with a man. Trust someone. But I should have known better. If I ignored lessons learned in my past, I would suffer the same loss and heartbreak time and time again. I had to look to my future. “I’ve moved on.” I didn’t have anything left to say. Landon and I had seen the last of each other, and that was all there was to it.
“Well, college seems exciting. I’m so proud of you—it’s such a huge change.”
“Nothing’s set. And the admissions process is . . . There are no guarantees that I’ll get in anywhere.”
“You won’t have a problem. When you want something, you find a way.”
It was nice that she believed that, even if I didn’t.
“Thanks, August. Listen, I have to go, but we’ll talk soon.”
“If you don’t answer my next call, I’m on the next plane to Ohio.”