It was as if someone had wrapped a belt around my chest and was pulling it tighter and tighter. My brother had done everything he could. He’d made the best decision—the decision I would have made if I’d been brave enough or cognizant enough to have been involved.
“And you got to start your own business. I know they would have been so proud of you.”
“I still miss them,” I said, wincing at the constriction around my chest. “All these years later, the pain is still there.”
“I don’t think it will ever go away,” he replied.
He had it too—we both shared their loss. Over the years I’d been able to convince myself that my pain was deeper, stronger, harder somehow. I thought the fact that I’d been denied their legacy meant I loved them more. But that wasn’t true.
“I blamed you,” I said. “For a lot of years.” The wall of rancor I’d placed between me and my brother slowly crumbled as I looked at him through fresh eyes.
“I blamed myself. I still do.”
“You did nothing wrong.” All these years I’d pushed him away when I’d needed him. He’d just been trying to do his best.
“I wanted to save the business so badly,” he said. “For you. For us. For them. I wanted to keep them close.”
“It wouldn’t have worked,” I said. “Nothing would have brought them back.” By hating my brother, I’d just punished myself even more.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I failed you when you needed me most.”
“Don’t say that. If I hadn’t been so bloody minded. So blinkered.” I paused, trying to take it all in. Hollie had been right. “If I’d just remembered who you were, I would never have assumed the worst of you.”
“I should have made you see somehow. Made you listen to me.”
I managed to let out a small laugh. “No one other than Mum and Dad ever made me do anything I didn’t want to.”
He grinned at me. “I guess that’s true.” He sighed. “But I wish over the years I had tried more. I thought if I gave you a little space, you might come around.”
“I guess I did. But it shouldn’t have taken so long. I’m sorry, brother.” I took a steadying breath. “They would hate that we haven’t spoken in so long.”
He nodded, his glassy eyes giving way to tears. He pulled out a handkerchief and blew his nose, clearing away the signs of grief. “I think that’s why I pushed for the bank to sponsor the competition.”
“That’s why you were on the list of attendees at the launch?” I’d thought he was there with Sparkle. Again, I’d made assumptions I had no right to.
“I heard you were entering and I got the bank to sponsor. I wanted . . . some kind of connection. I didn’t dare to hope we’d talk, but I just wanted to be a part of your life in some small way. I couldn’t face attending in the end. Didn’t want to risk coming face-to-face with you and it going badly.”
I’d spent the last fifteen years thinking David had been plotting against me. All that futile anger I’d felt toward him. All that pointless fury.
Too much time had been wasted.
Too much lost that neither of us would get back.
We had to make things right.
Most importantly, I had to learn my lesson. I had to seize opportunities. I had to make the most of everything and everybody in my life.
Twenty-Six
Dexter
“Gosh darn it, Dexter Daniels. This is all your fault,” Hollie called from the bedroom.
“Hollie’s furious because she can’t decide what to wear tomorrow night,” I explained to my brother, who had just called.
“We do have it lucky just throwing on a dinner jacket and combing our hair,” David replied.
“Thank God,” I replied. “Is Layla having the same issue?”
“I think she picked something. She’s excited to meet you. Won’t stop going on about it.”
It was weird I hadn’t met my brother’s wife. Fifteen years may have passed, but we’d spoken every day since we’d met in the café. It felt as if the time we hadn’t been speaking had collapsed to a mere moment. It was like it had always been between us when our parents were alive.
“Hollie’s the same. You’ll like her. She’s different to Bridget but she’s great.”
“Different to who?” he asked.
Hadn’t he heard me? “Bridget. You know, who I was going to marry.”
“The girl you dated at uni?”
Who else could he think I was talking about? “Yeah. You don’t remember her?”
“Vaguely. The one with the curly hair and the tiny feet.”
“No, that was Paula.” I’d forgotten about her. I’d gone out with her before Bridget. “Bridget was the girl on the same course as me.”
“The one with that insane laugh? With the button nose and hips.”
“Well as far as I can recall, every woman I’ve ever dated has had hips.” David was just as he always had been, focused on the details. “But no, that was Verity. Bridget was blond.”