“Was it?”
I thought I’d go back to Oregon and be able to put London in a drawer. Away from real life. But it didn’t fit. I couldn’t hide it away, pretend it had never happened. “It was harder than anything I’ve ever done before.”
He sighed, his chest expanding and contracting, his nearness suddenly so much closer. I just had to stretch out my arm and slide my palm up against his cheek.
“Woohoo,” Mrs. Daugherty called from across the street.
“Hi, Mrs. Daugherty. I’ll catch up with you later,” I said, picking up my backpack. “You’d better come in.”
I unlocked the door and we went inside.
“What’s this?” he said, immediately honing in on the far wall of the trailer where Autumn and I had pinned up my making-it-back-to-London plan.
“My plan to come back to London.”
He turned to me, fixing me with a stare. “You were coming back? To me?”
Was I going back to Dexter? Or was it a plan to go after my dreams? Both, I decided. “It’s going to take months. Longer maybe. And I didn’t expect you to wait, I just—”
He stalked over to me and cupped my face in my hands. “You were coming back? Then why didn’t you call?”
I tried to push down the emotion swirling in my belly. I wanted everything but him to melt away, for the world to condense around just the two of us, existing someplace outside of reality. But that’s not how life went. I pulled away from him and he looked at me as if I’d lost my mind.
But it wasn’t my mind I’d lost.
This man had stolen my heart.
“I had things to figure out, Dexter. I didn’t—don’t expect you to wait for me. And hoping for you . . . Hope is something in short supply around here. I’d rather deal in facts and certainty.”
Dexter pinched the bridge of his nose. “Okay, let’s get some facts on the table. If you want to be in London, why are you standing here in Oregon?”
Dexter made it sound so simple.
“I have to find somewhere for my parents to live. For Autumn and I to live. We have to leave the trailer park. It’s a long story but I’ll figure it out. It’s just going to take time.”
“That sounds simple enough. If it’s just money you need, I can help with that.”
I closed my eyes, wishing he wasn’t quite so near. Quite so generous. Quite so wonderful. “Dexter, I’ve got this.”
“But, Hollie, why can’t you let me help?”
My family wasn’t Dexter’s responsibility. He wasn’t a white knight, riding to my rescue, or even Richard Gere carrying Debra Winger out of a factory. This was real life. “I don’t need you to save me, Dexter.”
“I’m not trying to save you, Hollie. I know you’re perfectly capable of saving yourself. I’m trying to share my life with you.”
Warmth gathered in my heart at the thought that he still wanted me. The idea of sharing the rest of my life with Dexter . . . Well, it was more than I could imagine and certainly more than I deserved. “You think you’d want to wait? You know, until I figure out my plan?”
“I don’t want to wait a single second. I want to be with you night and day. I’ll do whatever it takes, but the plan is bullshit, Hollie.”
It looked more complicated than it actually was because of all the different colors. “It’s a good plan,” I said, defensive and sheepish at the same time.
“I know you don’t want to be rescued. I know it’s hard to rely on anyone because no one has proved reliable to you. But let me be the first person in your life who you can count on. Yes, you’re perfectly capable of saving yourself, Hollie. But you don’t have to. I’m here to help.”
It was as if I’d been trying to balance a week’s worth of groceries in my hands and someone had just fired off a shotgun, made me jump, and everything had come crashing to the ground. I couldn’t take anymore. I covered my face with my hands and turned to face the door in a futile attempt to stop him from seeing me cry.
“Hey,” he said, smoothing his hand across my back and gathering me in his arms. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
He hadn’t upset me. I’d just let go of what I’d been holding onto for so long.
“Let me lighten your load,” he whispered as he held me. “Now I remember how my speech started out.”
I looked up at him, waiting for him to tell me.
“I love you, Hollie Lumen.”
I paused, wanting to say the words back. “That’s a short speech.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, I forgot the next bit. But what I don’t have to remember, because it’s etched on my soul, is that I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my life. I miss everything about you. I hate waking up without you. I need to tell you every single thought in my head, and hear about every single thought in yours. I’m head over bloody heels in love with you.”