“Can I have happy cow cheese?” she asked, referring to her favorite snack and completely unfazed by the two women leaving. She was oblivious to the tears I could see Penelope holding back.
“We can make that happen,” I said. “Let’s say goodbye to Penelope and Jade.”
We moved out into the hallway and opened the door, Bethany clutching a bandaged Bear Bear. “Bye-bye,” Bethany said, moving her bear’s arm so he was waving.
“Bye-bye, Bear Bear. Bye-bye, Bethany,” Jade said.
“Bye-bye—” Penelope’s voice cracked, and she covered her mouth with her hand. Jade guided her out and I shut the door.
“Cheese, please, Louise,” Bethany sang.
I smiled as she slipped her hand into mine and half skipped, half hopped as we headed to the kitchen. “What about an omelet with a triangle of happy cow on the side?”
“Yum,” she said.
The most important thing in all of this was that Bethany was happy. Despite my concerns, seeing Penelope hadn’t upset her. Penelope hadn’t pushed too hard, hadn’t broken any of the agreed-upon rules. It had been a good reintroduction for both of them. It would be the start of a road back to a relationship. When Bethany was older, she’d barely remember her mother ever not being in her life. Gabriel might not want to admit it to himself, but Penelope being back was almost certainly what was best for Bethany. I just couldn’t figure out where that left me.
Twenty-Nine
Gabriel
After the rough morning, I’d needed the afternoon with my daughter. And the night with Autumn. I slid my arms around her waist as she stood at the kitchen island.
There had been no point being at work. I’d done nothing productive in the office. I’d just watched the clock until it hit midday. After I texted Autumn to make sure Penelope had left on time, I’d raced back home.
The three of us played tea party, painted pictures of rainbows, and plaited Autumn’s hair. And I’d done my best not to think about how Penelope had been in the house just hours before.
“She’s zonked,” I said, and kissed Autumn’s neck.
“It’s been a big day,” Autumn replied.
I knew I should ask how it went but I wanted to forget about it. To pretend it hadn’t happened.
“I think it went well,” Autumn said as she turned in my arms. “Penelope was very respectful. And Bethany didn’t question anything. Just one time she asked Penelope if she was my friend, and Penelope just said she’d like to be Bethany’s friend.”
I wasn’t sure if Autumn was telling me this because she thought I’d want to know or if she thought she should. But I didn’t want to hear it.
“Bethany’s fine. That’s all I need to know,” I said as I bent to place a kiss on her neck. She smelled like almonds and rainfall and I wanted to dive into her scent and lie in it for a while.
“Yes, I think it was good. When’s the next visit?” she asked.
I groaned. “I don’t know. Do we have to talk about this?”
“But you must be pleased it went well?” she asked, and I stepped back, dropping my arms to my sides and heading to the fridge to get a beer.
“Like I said, as long as Bethany’s okay. I wish it didn’t have to happen at all.” I twisted the lid off my beer and took a swig.
“But she’s her mother. And in a few years, Bethany won’t even remember that she left.”
She was so naïve. “In a few years, Penelope will be long gone. Believe me, Autumn.”
I glanced at Autumn, who was frowning at me, confused. “You think she’ll leave again? What makes you say that?”
“She did it once. It’s bound to happen again.” I’d seen it a thousand times with my father. If they left once, they’d keep on leaving. It was how people were made. I’d been broken when she left. Devastated for me and for Bethany. But I’d built myself back, piece by piece. I was happy now. Why couldn’t she have just stayed away? Bethany didn’t need her. I certainly didn’t. Our meeting that Penelope had insisted on had been ludicrous. Why would she think I would be prepared to take her back? After all these years, she really thought I was the desperate fool who would just fall to my knees in relief and beg her to come back into our lives.
She was delusional. I wanted nothing to do with her and I never would. If I didn’t think it would hurt Bethany, I would have fought her every step on custody. I’d prefer her to slink off back to wherever she’d gone and never come back.
“But she’s older now,” Autumn said. “She said she felt too young.” Autumn followed me over to the sofa. “Presumably if she’s back, she’s over that now.”
I wanted to get naked. Have incredible sex. Sleep. In that order, preferably. But Autumn was like a dog with a bone. “Don’t be naïve. She’ll be off again next time she’s bored and if she’s bonded with Bethany, I’ll be left to pick up the pieces. Again.” Bethany hadn’t noticed when her mother left the first time. She’d been too young but this time she could cause real damage. “She should understand the potential to cause harm at this age. She’s just being selfish.” I’d have to limit the amount of time Bethany saw Penelope over the next few months, until she left again. That way I could minimize the damage.