“Feel better,” Xander asked, a bemused smile on his face.
“No.”
“Good. Let’s go inside and I’ll let you fetch me a beer.” He was out of the patrol car and ambling up the steps before I could tell him I wasn’t in the mood for company. “Damn it smells good in here. What are you cooking?”
“Frozen chicken and fries,” I grumbled and grabbed two beers from the fridge. “There’s enough for two.”
“Were you expecting company?”
“Nope.” I turned the oven back on to re-heat the food and dropped down at the kitchen table.
“Just give Shannon some time. This is a big change, for both of you. Make sure this is what you want, that you’re not all bent out of shape because you feel that’s how you should feel. Then talk to her, or better yet, go after her.”
“What’s the point? She made her feelings clear by running.”
“And what about you, Miles? What are your feelings about Shannon? Mara thinks you’re both idiots playing a dangerous game.”
I sighed and took a long pull of my beer. “Mara is probably right. I mean, why do I care so much that she kept this from me? That she let me worry for weeks that she might have cancer or some other fatal disease? After Carly, I made sure I never put myself in a position to care too much, but here I am, caring about her. Worrying about her.”
“That’s what happens when you’re in love. It took me years just to get Mara to smile at me again, and it was pretty much just a big misunderstanding that kept us apart all these years.” He let out a bittersweet snort and shook his head. “Every time she dismissed me or aimed her poison-tipped tongue at me, it crushed me a little. But I still wanted her because I knew that anger was coming from some type of feelings she had, for me.”
“I’m not going to California.”
Xander shrugged. “I’m not saying you should. I’m just telling you that the whole damn town knows you two have it bad for one another, and can’t see it. Or won’t. Just because you’re in love with Shannon doesn’t mean you have to be with her, especially if you’re not ready to be a father.”
I frowned. “Whether I’m ready or not, I’m going to be a father, Xander.” And the more the idea settled within me, the less terrifying it became. I was going to be a father and it didn’t scare me. I was only worried that I’d have to sell my half of the business and move to California.
“Give Shannon a week. A full week of you thinking about what you really want, what your future will look like with a baby, and then reach out to her. Make sure this is what you want, and then make your move.”
I wasn’t sure there were any more moves but I nodded at his words, staring at my beer until my eyes blurred. “Yeah, sure. Thanks.”
The oven timer sounded and Xander stood. “I better get going. Mara worries when I don’t call at the end of my shift, even though she’s the one who calls Pilgrim, Mayberry but safer.” He rolled his eyes but the love and affection he had for his fiancée was written all over his face.
“Thanks for the advice.”
“All part of being a friend and town protector. Enjoy that chicken.”
“I plan to.” In fact, I planned to enjoy all four pieces, a big mountain of fries and probably two more beers. Maybe three. However many it took for me to stop feeling how I felt.
Angry. Hurt. Stupid.
Shannon
“I didn’t leave because I think you will make a terrible father, Miles.” It broke my heart to listen to that message, to hear the hurt and anger in his voice, to know that he misunderstood my motivations.
“That’s what you say,” he said with a derisive snort after a long silence, but your actions tell me something else completely.” He was still hurt and angry, but it was just his anger he chose to focus on, which was fine by me, because I realized after a week in Los Angeles, that I deserved that anger.
I shook my head, grateful Miles couldn’t see the mess I was over the phone. “You have it all wrong, Miles. I left because I needed to clear my head, to make sure this was something I could do, be a mom.” As much as I wanted my baby, loved him or her already, I had to make sure this wouldn’t end up like one of my middling business ventures. I wanted to be one of those really great moms, the kind my child would always come to with problems, successes and failures.
“And the reason you didn’t tell me, Shannon? Because you’re not sure of me right?” He sounded so damn hurt it made my heart squeeze until it became a physical ache that I rubbed with my hand. “You think I can’t do this.”