He huffs out a laugh and nips at my neck. “The one whose dad wasn’t ever around.”
I pull back so I can see his face. “Dean—”
“I know I can’t change it, so I try not to think about it too much. This morning just shoved it in my face and brought up some unhappy memories.”
“When did he leave?” I ask softly. Kace has been friends with Dean since they were really young, but I wasn’t close enough to Dean to know about his family situation until . . . well, probably not until I dropped out of college and moved back to Orchid Valley. I was always aware his home situation wasn’t as stable as ours, but I didn’t think much about it.
“My parents got divorced when Stella was still in diapers, but he came back a lot on and off for years after that.” He grimaces, and I can tell it really makes him uncomfortable to talk about this, but I don’t let him off the hook. I think he needs to let it out. “Anytime I’d come home from school and see his Nissan in the drive, I’d be so excited. For a long time, I was convinced he and Mom would get back together if I acted just right.”
“I think a lot of kids feel that way after their parents get divorced.”
“Yeah, but he made it worse. He’d say, ‘You be real good at school and keep your room clean for your mama, and we’ll celebrate. We’ll go to the zoo in Atlanta and have lunch at a fancy restaurant.’ He never meant any of it—he didn’t have two pennies to rub together, let alone money for a day in Atlanta with his kid. But all I heard was if I was good, I’d get more time with my dad. That’s all I wanted.”
My chest aches for him, but all I can do is squeeze his hand so he knows I’m here, knows I’m listening.
He shakes his head. “It’s embarrassing to think about how many times I made myself sick over a baseball game because my dad told me he’d be there, and I wanted to impress him. I’d be so nervous I could barely join my team on the field, and then he wouldn’t show anyway. Happened over and over again until one of my teammates finally called me out for being so nervous. ‘Your dad isn’t coming, you idiot,’ he said. ‘He’s busy with his other family.’”
“I’m so sorry,” I say, combing my fingers through his hair. “Was the kid being honest or just trying to upset you?”
“He was one hundred percent right. Dad and Sandy still lived in Orchid Valley back then. She had a couple of kids from a former marriage, and he was so busy being the perfect dad to them that he couldn’t show up for me. And my mom . . .” He closes his eyes. “Shit, she’s not a bad person, but she knew he was living with Sandy. She was a sucker for his promises, though, and she’d let him come back home, let him stay the night, let him sweet-talk her into thinking he might be coming back for good that time.”
“I can’t imagine what it must’ve been like—to learn that from a teammate and not your parents.”
“It was shit, but it was also exactly what I needed.” His arms tighten around me. “That was the end for me, though. I confronted Mom about it, and she admitted it was true and that Sandy was pregnant. I’d have a little brother, so Dad wouldn’t be coming home anymore.”
“Milo,” I say.
“Yeah. Mom stopped believing his bullshit after that—not because he stopped with his lies and promises, but because she was a mom too. She might’ve been able to sleep with her ex-husband even though he was living with another woman, but she couldn’t take the kid’s father away.”
Dean’s mom is such a sweet woman. It’s hard to imagine her letting a guy like that back into her life again and again. But then, Stella’s made reference a time or two to her mom’s terrible track record with men, so maybe I shouldn’t be surprised. “I guess we have hard lines we won’t cross, no matter how desperate we feel.”
“That’s when all of my grandmother’s comments started.” He cringes. “You probably never met my mom’s mom, but she was a mean old lady, and once I stopped looking like a kid and began looking like a young man, she started in with the commentary. Watch out for that one—he’s a little version of his dad. Cheaters make more of their own. Hope no woman ever trusts him—he’ll be just like his father.”
“That’s awful.”
He huffs out a breath. “Yeah. I spent all my teen years worried she was right. I was terrified I’d accidentally cheat on my girlfriends someday, worried I’d never hold down a job and take care of my family—because that’s who my dad is, and she loved to tell me how I was going to be just like him.”