I was pretty sure I wasn’t the first person to get a belle pregnant in the lifetime of the Order, but how I handle it will be the key of pleasing the Elders or risking everything. I just wasn’t sure what needed to be done or how to do it that would be considered “right” and “proper”.
And now that I knew Abilene was pregnant, should I pull us out? Did I let the Elders know she was in no way fit for… further activities? No… I needed to focus on completing each and every Trial no matter what was thrown my way. Whatever was thrown our way. As long as it wouldn’t hurt the baby.
Thinking of all this was going to drive me mad.
Luckily, I saw a distraction down below my window. Rafe walked slowly toward the cemetery, and even though I knew his reason for doing so, I decided to leave our room for a quick minute and go say hello… or goodbye since I knew his Initiation was complete.
Mrs. H had told me this morning that it would just be me and Abilene now, though she remained mum on the details. She had come in to check on Abilene, the baby, and on me. I had told her I wasn’t in a position to discuss this right now, which luckily the woman understood and left us with our breakfast.
“I’ll be right back,” I said to Abilene, who was watching an old black and white movie on a little TV I’d managed to get for her.
I could tell she didn’t want to have a deep conversation any more than I did, and she, too, was trying to avoid making eye contact with me.
She looked up surprised. “Where are you going? We aren’t allowed to leave the room alone.”
“No,” I said as I quickly put on my shoes. “You, as the belle, aren’t supposed to leave. I’ll only be a second. I’m going to go say goodbye to my buddy.” I looked up and saw the news of being left alone upset her. “Don’t worry. I’ll only be a couple of minutes.”
Not waiting for her to argue or beg to come along, I quickly left the room, jogged down the hallway, and out of the house to catch up with Rafe who was nearly at the top of the hill.
As I approached where he stood in front of a grave, I overheard him talking and decided to give him the space to say what he came to say.
“I should have come here sooner,” Rafe said as he stood before his brother, Timothy’s, headstone. “It was guilt that kept me away. I always thought it was me who put you here, and although I still wish I had picked up that fucking phone…”
He took a deep breath and paused for several moments. “Well, I did it. I passed the Initiation. I wanted to make Dad proud, and I wanted to honor your name. I hope I did. Can you believe it? I’m a member of The Order of the Silver Ghost. I’ll be wearing one of those cloaks and being part of it all.”
Rafe looked down at his feet and kicked at a root before adding, “I miss you, brother. I do. But I also have some news. Fallon Perry… remember her? Yeah, well, you won’t believe it, but I love her.” He laughed. “Yeah, you always teased me for having a crush on her back when we were kids. And you were right as much as I hate to admit that you were. Anyway… I hope to have her in my life forever, and it gives me a sort of comfort knowing you knew her and would approve. I know you would approve.”
His voice hitched, and he looked up at the sky. “I fucking miss you.”
“He was a good man,” I said as I walked up to Rafe and put my hand on his shoulder in comfort. “I always looked up to Tim. I’m sure he would be really proud of the man you became.”
Rafe nodded. “He was a good man, and I hope so. I really do hope I served his memory well.” He then looked at me. “You escaped the den of vipers for a bit?”
I shrugged and put my hands in my pockets still staring at Tim’s headstone. “This shit is wild. I can tell you that. Nothing Sully told me prepared me for this.” I glanced at Rafe and added, “I’m happy you completed the Initiation. Congrats. I hope I can do the same.”
Rafe chuckled. “You’ve just begun. Trust me. It gets so much worse.”
“But you passed it, so that’s good.”
“I’m not sure how. There were times I nearly quit. Frankly, I owe a lot of it to Fallon. That girl kept me sane.”
“You are so lucky to have had someone you actually know as your belle. Being locked up with a complete stranger is bizarre. It’s like the worst blind date in history over and over again. I think it’s harder than the actual Trials have been.”