“How’s Mama feeling today?” the doctor asked.
“She felt the baby kick,” I answered for her. “Is that normal for this stage of the pregnancy?”
The doctor gave me a little smile and then looked back at Abilene. “It’s normal. Especially if you’re in tune with your baby.”
The looks the three women in the room gave me told me that I needed to stop trying to take over and relax. I wasn’t blind, nor was I dumb. I knew I could be an overbearing asshole, but I couldn’t help it. Although I did go up to Abilene’s side and hold her hand as the doctor began the examination. I would try to be good and remain quiet. I would try…
“Everything looks great, and the baby looks perfectly healthy.” She moved the ultrasound wand across Abilene’s belly and asked, “Do you want to know the sex?”
“Yes,” I answered immediately.
Abilene looked up at me and then the doctor. “You can see it?”
The doctor nodded.
Abilene then looked back at me. “You really want to know?”
At that very moment, I had never wanted anything more. “I really do. But this isn’t just my choice. It’s ours.”
Abilene squeezed my hand and then nodded at the doctor. “We want to know.”
“Congratulations, Mom and Dad. You’re going to have a baby boy.”
A boy. A Radcliffe boy.
“Oh my God,” Abilene said under her breath. Her hand squeezed even tighter.
A son.
I was going to have a son.
And a family.
A rush of emotions and thoughts gripped my heart like a vise. My life was about to change. Everything I had planned for and expected had just been altered. Reality sunk in. No more holidays alone. No more Christmas nights spent having dinner with my father and no one else.
No. I wanted more for my son. I wanted a family tree that we decorate together. I’d never had a tree that was mine, full of ornaments that held special memories or homemade by me at school. I didn’t bake cookies for Santa or write a letter of all the gifts I hoped to get.
No. I just got an envelope of money every year when at this very moment I swore to myself my son would never receive that as a gift from me. Never. He’d get a bike, and a wagon, and a swing set—all that I built myself.
And it wouldn’t be just me and my son sipping bourbon by the fire. It would be the three of us. I saw Abilene in my future too. I knew she’d be a good mother. That fighting spirit in her would do good for my son. He’d grow up with two powerful parents who would raise him to be a fighter and yet a good person. Yes, my boy would be a good person who took others’ feelings in consideration before his own. He would get the best of me and the best of Abilene.
“We’re having a boy,” Abilene said to me, breaking me out of my thoughts. “Is that what you were hoping for?”
“I didn’t have a preference… or at least I didn’t think so.” But now that I knew the sex of the baby. “Yes, I’m so happy we’re having a boy.”
I blinked away the tears and leaned down and kissed the top of her head.
“All looks completely fine. I don’t think you need to see me again until after the Initiation is over,” the doctor said as she began packing up. “Mrs. H has my contact information if you want to reach out to me afterwards, but once you leave here, you’ll want to get a closer doctor and set up a birthing plan.” She smiled at me and then Abilene. “Congratulations.”
“This doesn’t seem real,” Abilene said as she sat up and wiped at her stomach.
“Oh, it’s real,” Mrs. H said with a joyful laugh. “A mini Beau Radcliffe… Lord help us all.” She turned on her heels still laughing and exited the room.
“A Radcliffe,” I repeated. “I never thought I’d carry on the family name.”
I looked down at Abilene who had tears cascading down her face. I swiped at a tear with my thumb and then cupped her chin so she had to look into my eyes.
“I will always be there for you and our son. Always. I give you my word. And in my world, our word is everything.” I swallowed against the emotion that nearly choked me. “You and this baby will be my everything.”
19
Abilene
I was going to have a baby. A little baby boy.
I was going to have Beau’s little baby boy.
The days were long and unending… and yet part of me never wanted them to end. Especially with the long stretch of time with no Trials, it was just me and Beau secluded away from the world.
He worked, yes, but not from dawn to dusk like he used to.