“It’s real talk.” She kicked her heels off. “Be glad that you won’t get to be with Roberts. Enjoy the dream. At least you won’t get disillusioned.”
The thought pained. It poked my broken little heart and made it bleed. “I just… I love him so much.”
“He’d be just another douche like the rest of them.”
“The rest of who?”
“Men,” she said. “Stupid idiot men.”
“Like Scottie?”
She shrugged. “Like Scottie, like all of them.”
I lowered my voice, looked at the door. “Like Ray.”
She took a long drag on her cigarette. “I don’t know what Mum sees in him.”
I didn’t have an answer for that, because I didn’t know either.
She stubbed out her cigarette and flicked off the main light. “If you’re going to be sober enough, you’d better get some rest, Hels Bells. I’ll wake you up before midnight.”
I climbed under the covers and she followed. Only this time she didn’t tie me up or rub me in private places. She wrapped her arms around me and buried her face in my hair and hugged me tight.
“Love you, Hels. Always.”
“And me you,” I said. “Always.”
She was asleep before I was.
***
Lizzie was fast asleep when I crept out, and Ray was, too. I tiptoed through the flat, still feeling sick to the stomach, and my head was woolly, thumping a little. I shut the front door quietly behind me and put on my heels in the corridor. It took me a while to get down the stairs, but I managed it without incident, and the chill from the night air sobered me right up.
I went as quickly as my legs would carry me, sneaking through the Three Friars car park and keeping to the shadows. There weren’t many students left, just the odd huddle smoking outside. I kept my distance, peering through one of the windows at the back of the hall just to make sure he was still in there.
He was. And so was she. Miss pissing Monkton.
I crept back to the main entrance, and positioned myself in the shadows to the side of the car park. I’d catch hold of him here, as he was leaving.
Everyone in the whole universe seemed to leave first, laughing and singing and swaying up the road. I was freezing cold by the time he came out, even wrapped up in his jacket. My knees were knocking and my teeth were chattering.
I was all set to step out when I heard a voice behind him.
“Great night, all in,” Miss Monkton said. “Thanks for all your help.”
“My pleasure.”
“I think everyone had a good time… asides from the dramas…”
“There are always dramas, Jenny.”
She laughed too loudly. “Yes! Always!”
I willed her away, begging her silently to fuck off out of there, but she did entirely the opposite. My breath hitched as she took his arm in hers and rested her head on his shoulder and dragged him over to her car.
Cosy. They looked cosy. And she looked happy, and keen, and… in love. She was in love with him. It was written all over her face.
“Let’s go,” she said. “Bed calling.”
Bed calling.
He smiled and got in the passenger seat and together they drove away.
Together.
Bed calling. Together.
And my heart stopped.
***
Mark
I was aching to get rid of her, but she wouldn’t leave. She switched off the car engine outside my house, and lingered there, clearly angling for an invite. But I couldn’t. I didn’t want to.
I didn’t want her in there. As nice as she was, and as well-meaning as her intentions, I just didn’t want her in there.
I faked a yawn. “I’m exhausted. Too old for partying.”
She smiled. “You need a coffee and a back rub. You must be freezing.” She reached out and squeezed my arm through my shirt, and her hand stayed there.
“I need my bed,” I said. “Early start tomorrow.”
“Spoilsport.” She giggled. “I could wake you up… rustle you up some breakfast…”
“That’s very kind, but I’ll set the alarm.” I leaned over to peck her on the cheek. “Goodnight, Jenny.”
She stared as I opened the door, her mouth flapping as she tried to think of something to say.
I felt like an asshole, but that was nothing new, holding up my hand in farewell as I bundled myself in through my front door.
I held my breath until I heard her car start up. Thank fuck for that.
I flicked on the lights and the same old empty house greeted me. I turned up the heating and prepared a fire in the grate, then went to grab a jumper. There was one lying over the dining table, and as I picked it up I noticed my mobile on the side. I hadn’t taken it, hardly seeing the point, but it was buzzing and whining and flashing green, creeping its way across the table top.
I picked it up. Ten new messages.
Jesus.
Helen: I thought you liked me.