Teach Me Dirty

I smiled. “Give it a few years.”

“I’ll still love you when you smell of wee. I’ll wheel you around in a wheelchair and you can call me nursey, if you like.” Her eyes twinkled.

“The future’s bright.”

She unclipped her seatbelt. “Lizzie will be here in a minute, I’d better go.”

I looked through the window at the picnic bench, and luckily the rain was holding off. “She’s definitely bringing you a coat? I’m sorry I didn’t find your shrug.”

“That’s alright, Sarah bitchface Jennings probably stole it and flushed it down the toilet.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Sarah bitchface Jennings?”

“She is a bitchface.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“Take anyone’s word for it, outside her mean girls gang, that is.”

“Does she cause you problems?”

“Is this your teacher head talking?”

I shrugged. “Maybe.”

“She’s caused me problems since I was like five, I can handle it.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I’m a big girl.”

And she was. There was something different about Helen today, something subtle but undeniable. A new note in her scale.

“Are we safe here?” She looked through the windows, and so did I, and the world looked empty.

“We’re safe enough.”

“Good,” she said, and shifted across the car to me. She took my face in her hands and pressed her soft mouth to mine, and wriggled herself against my lap until I pushed her away by her shoulders.

“Enough of that,” I said. “Or you won’t need to tell Elizabeth you’re no longer a virgin. She’ll make that observation for herself.”

She smirked, and bundled herself out of the car, and she looked so beautiful in her gown that I felt it in my chest.

“Go,” she said. “I’ll be fine here.”

“I can wait. I assume Elizabeth knows about us already?”

She looked a little shifty. “I don’t have to tell her anything else…”

“You trust her?”

“Yes.”

“You trust that I should trust her?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

“Then I’ll stay until she gets here.”

It didn’t take long. Elizabeth Thomas was a quirky little creature. She appeared in the distance, springing along in big boots and a tiny little tartan skirt that blew in the breeze. She spotted the car and Helen waved to her, and Helen was beaming.

Helen was proud.

And that made me smile.

I waited until Elizabeth was close enough that I could see the spare coat on her arm, and then I started up the engine.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to take you anywhere?”

Helen shook her head. “I think I’ll stay here awhile. Talk to Lizzie.”

“Ok,” I said. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

She blew me a kiss. “See you on Monday, sir.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Don’t even think about calling me that in the classroom.”

“Why not?” she giggled. “I quite like it.”

“You can quite forget about it.” But I was smiling.

“Ok, sir, if you say so, sir.”

I shook my head to myself and pulled the car away before I got sucked into Helen Palmer for the rest of time.

***

Helen

I was bursting. Properly bursting. As though my heart would explode like one of those candy fountains, and spray unicorns and rainbows and sparkly jewels all over the place.

I managed to keep it together until Mr Roberts’ — Mark’s — car was out of sight, and then I squealed and ran.

I almost knocked Lizzie off her feet, and then I almost strangled her, hugging her so tight that she pretended she was dying.

And then she laughed, and hugged me, too.

“Oh my fucking God,” she said. “Is that for fucking real?! You’ve been with Roberts like all fucking day?”

I nodded. “And he made me breakfast and I slept in his bed, and I’m not a virgin anymore.”

“You fucked him?!”

“Twice. And a half.”

“How is that even possible?”

“Well, I sucked him off. Does that count as a half?”

She smirked. “I guess that counts as a half.”

She handed me the coat from over her arm, and I put it on as she lit up a cigarette. But I was hot, even in the winter air I was hot. I led her to the picnic bench and climbed on up, and I was proud, pointing out the view like this was my spot, my special spot, but she wasn’t all that interested.

“So,” she said. “Was he good? He’s kind of old, did he come like super quick and start drooling?”

I poked my tongue out. “No, he didn’t come super quick and start drooling.”

She stared at me like I was an alien. “I can’t believe you’ve ditched the big V. I honestly thought it would be Harry doing the honours.”

“I’m so glad it wasn’t.” I closed my eyes and I was smiling and I couldn’t stop.

“Jeez, Hels, look at you. Anyone would think you’d won the bloody lottery or something, not bagged an old teacher.”

“I’d rather this than win the lottery.”

“You’re crazy.”

“I’m not.” I laughed. “He’s the best thing in the world. Everything I wanted. Everything I thought he’d be. More than I thought he’d be.”