The Doctor Who Has No Chance (Soulless 11)

“He’s at my mother’s right now. You can come by tomorrow, if you want.”

I texted the picture to myself so I would have it. When it was on my phone, I made it the screensaver so it would always be there. “I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight. I’m a dad…a fucking dad.”

“I know.” She gave me a slight smile. “Congratulations.”

“Yeah.” I could continue to be angry with her for what she did, but it didn’t matter anymore. What was done was done. It was time to move on. Now I was overwhelmed once again, how my life had changed in an instant. Most people had nine months to mentally prepare for the new responsibility about to hit them in the face. I didn’t have any time at all.

“I’m so sorry about everything I’ve done. I’m sorry about the way I ran away, the way I didn’t tell you about Ryan, the way…I basically lost my mind. I wish I had a better justification for my behavior, but I really was just traumatized and grief-stricken.”

I didn’t have the energy to continue to be angry about what happened. Now that I had a son, it just didn’t seem important anymore. “Grief has inexplicable effects on the mind and body. It can break anybody. Look at me. You left me, and I closed up shop and went to work for Mom for about a year. I just…lost it.”

Her eyes closed, like that made her feel worse.

“It happens. I forgive you.”

She opened her eyes again. “You do?”

I nodded. “We’re parents now. I want to set a good example for my son. We’re divorced, and I want him to see that you still treat an ex with respect, that you can still love someone even if you aren’t together anymore, that you can still be a family. I want my son to grow up to be a good man, not a misogynistic asshole.”

“We won’t have to worry about that, Dex.”

All the weight hit my shoulders, the responsibility I would have to carry for a lifetime, even when Ryan was an adult and out of the house. Parenting never stopped, no matter your age. I learned that from my parents. “When can I take him?”

“Um…you want to?”

“Duh. Can I have him this weekend?”

“Uh…” Flustered, she didn’t know what to say. “Dex, you don’t have any supplies, you don’t know anything about taking care of a kid—”

“I think I can figure it out, Catherine. And I’ll grab everything tomorrow. So, yes? The weekend?”

She gave a shrug. “Sure.”

“Perfect.”

“But this is exactly what I’m talking about. I don’t want him to go back and forth between us. I want him to be with us both…all the time. I want us to be a family. I think the only reason we’re not is because of Sicily, and I don’t think that’s right.”

I didn’t want to fight. I didn’t want to yell. I wanted us to move forward as parents and friends. I’d have to deal with Catherine until Ryan was out of the house, so it was a relationship I should treat with delicacy. “That’s exactly right, Catherine. She is the only reason. But I’m in love with her—and that’s not going to change.”

Nineteen

Sicily

It was almost eight, and I hadn’t heard from Dex.

Dex had made his commitment to me very clear, but the longer the silence stretched, the more afraid I became. What if she was sick and that rekindled his feelings for her? What if the possibility of her passing away made him realize he couldn’t live without her? What if Catherine would always have the upper hand over me because she had something I never could?

His last name.

I wrote out a couple messages to him but never sent them. I almost attempted to call him a couple times, but I refrained. Every time my imagination went wild with possibility, I reminded myself that Dex would never hurt me…not again.

I sat on the couch in front of the TV, my eyes constantly glancing to my phone, hoping it would light up any minute.

Then a knock sounded on the door. “Baby, it’s me.”

I skyrocketed off the couch and sprinted to the door, getting it open quickly. “What happened?”

He walked inside and headed straight to the couch. He relaxed and let himself go, falling onto the couch and relaxing into the cushions. “Sit with me.” He patted the cushion beside him.

I was so nervous that I just stood there for a while before I joined him.

His forearms rested on his thighs, and he looked at my coffee table for a while.

“Dex…is she sick?”

“No.” His answer was immediate. “Thankfully. It’s good news, actually.”

“Good news?” What could Catherine possibly say that would be good? That she was moving? Ooh, maybe she was relocating to the other side of the country. That would be perfect. She would be out of our lives for good.