"Remember though, that even this machine cannot guarantee conception. It may be that you will not fall pregnant, especially given your history. There is never any certainties when it comes to life, even in this day and age."
"I have a chance, Doc. That's all I wanted."
He nodded. "Then you wish to have the monitor implanted immediately?"
I opened my mouth to say, "Yes, of course," but the words froze somewhere in my throat as his earlier words hit me. The experimental drug you were given has actually achieved its aim. The same experimental drug that had changed the very cell structure of past half-breed recipients. The same drug that, even now, could be changing my body in unknown ways.
Oh, fuck.
I closed my eyes, and rubbed them wearily. "I need to think about all this," I said slowly. "As much as I want to rush into having a kid, there are other considerations."
He nodded. "Just remember that it is a small window, and time is of the essence if you wish to attempt conception."
Like I didn't know that. I stood. "I just need a little time to think about it."
He studied me for a moment, eyes full of understanding. "I'll be here until at least nine-thirty tonight. Ring me if you come to a decision or want to discuss things further. Other than that, we'll make your next appointment for tomorrow, same time. Will twenty-four hours be enough?"
Twenty-four hours to decide whether or not I should risk following a long held dream? God, no. But I nodded, and left, and was in such a daze that the elevator ride back down to the ground didn't even stir my usually fragile stomach.
The doors opened, and Quinn was standing there, expression concerned as he reached out and gently cupped my elbow. "Are you all right?"
My laugh was shaky. "Yeah. Just got some wonderful news."
He frowned. "Then why are you as white as a sheet and shaking?"
"I'm scared of tall buildings, remember?"
"I remember. But I also know you're lying." He hesitated, his dark gaze boring into mine, as if trying to reach my soul. "There was a time you trusted me."
I still trusted him. I just needed to think about things first, before I told anyone. But I couldn't think here. Couldn't decide here. I rubbed my hand across my eyes again. They burned, as if filled with unshed tears. "Can you drop the questions and just drive me to Mt. Macedon?"
The elevators doors tried to close. Quinn put a hand against them and said, "Why?"
"Because I have a decision to make, and I think better when I'm running through trees." And Mt. Macedon was the least developed of the big parks that surrounded metropolitan Melbourne.
He stared at me a minute longer, then his grip tightened on my elbow, and he led me out of the building.
The strength of the sun was waning into dusk, and the wind carried the chill of the storm predicted to hit later this evening. I glanced up, watching the clouds race across the pink tinted sky. The wolf within me hoped it did rain, because there was nothing more refreshing, more isolating, and more primordial than racing the thunder of a storm through rain-lashed trees.
We climbed into the car and headed for Mt. Macedon. Quinn didn't say anything, and for that, I was grateful. My thoughts were a mess, going fifty different ways, and right then, I didn't have a hope of coping with any sort of conversation.
The rain began to splatter across the windshield as we entered the Mt. Macedon township. Quinn glanced at me, eyebrow raised in question.
"Go on," I said. "I don't care if it rains. Besides, I'm a wolf. We don't feel the cold."
"Werewolves mightn't, but you do."
He had a good memory. I'd only mentioned that once, in passing. "Maybe. But right now, I need to run more than I need to keep warm."
He nodded, and continued on up the mountain. We entered the park, and stopped in the bays closest to the trees. There were maybe a dozen other cars here, and most of those were parked up near the Old Tea Rooms restaurant. I climbed out. The wind tore at my dress and hair, touching my skin with chill reminders of the winter just passed. I shivered, and glanced across the roof of the car at Quinn. "This could take a while."
"Be careful," was all he said.
I nodded, then stripped off my clothes, placing them in the car before calling to the wildness within. In wolf form, I headed for the trees, and just kept on running through the ferny undergrowth. I wasn't really thinking, just letting the night, the cold, and the storm run over my body. Letting the electricity that danced through the thunderous skies clear the cobwebs and confusion from my mind.
I ran for hours. Ran until my limbs were beginning to shake with tiredness, and my tongue lolled so far out of my mouth I'd swear it was about to drag the ground. Ran until the storm had swept past, and the clean scent of wet earth mingled with eucalyptus on the night air. Even then, I didn't head back immediately to the car, but rather changed to human form and headed for the huge memorial cross that was the centerpiece of the park.
Sitting on the steps, my back to the cross, I hugged my knees close to my chest, trying to keep warm as I stared at the lights that stretched like a twinkling carpet far in the distance.