Embraced By Darkness (Riley Jenson Guardian 5)

He snorted softly. "Guess I had that coming."

"What?" God, I felt like I was watching a foreign movie, with the main character speaking a language I just didn't understand.

"It doesn't matter."

"It obviously does, so explain what the hell you're talking about."

"I shouldn't have to explain, Riley."

"So consider me thick and do." And then, suddenly, realization hit me. "You think you should have been able to protect me?"

My voice was incredulous, and annoyance shot through his eyes.

"I'm an alpha. It's part of my job to protect those I care about."

"But that's ridiculous. A, because I can generally protect myself, and B, because the shooter was a vampire and regular werewolves haven't the speed to go up against one."

"You did. Have."

"But I'm not your regular, everyday werewolf."

"Something I'm seeing more and more."

I raised my eyebrows at the deepening edge in his voice. "It's not like I've ever hidden what I was from you." Not when we started going out for real, anyway.

"No, but hearing it and seeing it are two entirely different things." He shuddered. "You didn't even react when you saw that man's brains splattered all over the sidewalk. Not emotionally, anyway."

"Because I was too busy trying not to get shot."

"People trying not to get shot don't get up and race toward their attacker. That's not normal, everyday behavior."

But I wasn't a normal, everyday person. I hadn't been when I was born, and was even further from that now.

"So what, exactly, are you saying?" The question came out a little hoarse, because fear suddenly had my heart lodged somewhere in my throat.

"I don't know." He squeezed my fingers lightly, though if the gesture was meant to reassure me, it failed miserably. "I can't help my innate need to protect you."

"But I'm not asking you to stop it, so what's the problem?"

"The problem is, I obviously can't. It's in my nature to try, but there are things - people - in your life that I will never be able to protect you from."

"I can't help what I do, Kellen. And the one thing I don't expect from you is protection." Caring, comfort, and understanding, yes. And definitely love, But protection? I had Rhoan for that. It had been just the two of us from the beginning of our lives, and it would be the two of us until the very end. I needed no one else when it came to that.

"I know you don't," he said, "and that's probably part of the problem right now."

I stared at him for a moment, then rubbed my eyes wearily. "So what does this mean for you and me?"

Because it sounded like the shit was going to hit the fan again - emotionally rather than figuratively - and I really wasn't ready for another kick in the gut. Not after I was starting to pull it all together again.

"Right at this particular moment, it means nothing." He hesitated. "It's just that, like you, I have things I need to think about."

"What's the point of me coming to a decision if you're in the process of backing away?"

He took my hand in his again. "I never said I was backing away, Riley. I just said I needed to think a few more things through. You're not getting away from me that easily. Not after I've fought so long to pin you down."

And yet, despite his words, despite the warmth flaring across his lips and the tenderness in his bright eyes, part of me wasn't reassured.

He glanced at his watch, then said, "What time are you getting out of here?"