Embraced By Darkness (Riley Jenson Guardian 5)

He dropped his hands to his side, then added, "I can't help what I am any more than you can. I don't want to make this decision, Riley, honestly I don't. But I can't spend a lifetime waiting at home for you. Wondering if this time will be the time that you don't come home. I believe we could be good together, but I want the whole white picket fence ideal, and that just doesn't include a soul mate who risks her life and our happiness on a daily basis."

I wrapped my arms around my body and just looked at him. I was shaking, shivering, because suddenly there was no warmth in the room. Or maybe it was because my future suddenly seemed as bleak and as lonely as it had in the worst of my dreams.

Why do this now? I wanted to scream. You knew what I was, you knew about my job. Why do this when Yd finally decided to take that step, to take a chance?

But I kept the rage and frustration and hurt inside, and didn't do or say anything.

Because deep down I understood.

I mightn't like his words, might hate his actions, but the truth was, I understood them. I wouldn't want to be committed to someone whose job was so dangerous that I knew one day he simply wouldn't come home. That one day, I'd feel his death and know my life and my heart had just turned to ashes.

It was a big thing to ask of anyone.

Cops and firemen knew all about it. They had the highest percentages of divorce and relationship breakdowns for good reason.

Even so, I couldn't help saying, "Don't do this." Please don't do this.

He sighed. "I'm sorry, Riley, I really am. But the last few days have really brought home just what life with you will be like if you don't give up work. And I'd rather live without you than live with that."

My eyes were stinging, my body shaking, and my heart seemed to be just aching deep in my chest. And I couldn't think of anything to say, because there was nothing to say. His mind was made up, and nothing short of me quitting my job was going to change that.

I should have let myself smash down on the rocks. It would have hurt a whole lot less.

I took a deep, shuddering breath, then said, "Go. Just go."

"Riley - "

"No," I said. Forcefully, flatly. "No more. There's nothing else you can say or do to make this any better."

He stared at me for several seconds, an aching, angry heat I could feel more than see, then turned on his heels and walked out.

As the door clicked shut, the tears came. Great, sobbing gasps of pain that came from deep within, from the place that had held so many dreams.

Dreams that now lay shattered and broken on the ground.

Just like my heart.