But no. It was always business before pleasure with Quinn. Always mind before emotion.
I sighed and rubbed my good hand across my eyes. What was the good of dwelling on it? Quinn wasn't going to change, any more than I could. And I was never going to find what I wanted with him. Because what I wanted was my soul mate, and kids, and a quiet life.
Some of that dream might have disintegrated, but not all of it. And I had every intention of hanging on to the little that did remain as fiercely as I could.
There was still hope for me. And right now, I had a wolf ready and willing to explore those options with me.
He deserved a chance.
We deserved a chance.
I took another sip of coffee. "Is Kingsley going to be mummified and sealed away like Caelfind?"
Rhoan nodded. "Deep in the vaults of the Directorate. Quinn will magically seal the coffins and vault doors. They won't ever get free."
"Good." I looked beyond him, studying the sky. The softest of pinks was beginning to infuse the night, heralding the beginning of yet another day.
"A new day, a new start," I said softly, then met his gaze again. For no good reason, tears formed. "I wish I could begin again."
He put down his coffee, wrapped an arm around my shoulder, and drew me close. For several minutes, he didn't say anything, just held me against his chest and hugged me tightly. My rock, my island. The one bit of sanity left in the insanity that my life had become.
"There's nothing done that can't be undone," he said eventually, his breath stirring the hairs across the top of my head. "Nothing so wrong in your life that can't be changed."
I snorted softly against his chest. "There's lots of things that can't be changed and we both know it."
"But it isn't lots of things causing you grief. Only one." His hand slid down my arm, rubbing gently. "I think what you need is a break. A nice long holiday to regain strength will do you wonders, I think."
I half laughed, half sniffed, as I pulled away from his grip. "Has Kellen been in your ear?"
He smiled. "No. You're the one that mentioned he wanted to take you away on a holiday. Why not extend it? Why not explore the depth of your relationship with him? You've got nothing to lose, and everything to gain."
"I don't think Jack - "
He held up a hand, forestalling my argument. "Jack's agreed to give you time off."
"What?" I stared at him blankly. "How did that miracle occur?"
Rhoan smiled. "It's wonderful what the threat of losing his best two guardians can do. You have six weeks."
"Six weeks?"
"Yes. Use the time wisely, young pup."
I smacked his arm. "I'll use it to harass and annoy you if you're not careful."
"Which is what you normally do, and the aim of this time off is new directions."
New directions. A new start and the time to explore dreams. Just the possibility had a smile breaking out. Six weeks of doing nothing except what I wanted to do. Six weeks of exploring new horizons, new places, new people.
Six weeks of finding out if Kellen and I really could be soul mates.
Excitement bubbled through me. I wanted that. Wanted it badly.
But new beginnings also meant endings, and there was one thing I needed to do before any fresh start could truly begin.
Quinn chose that moment to come out of the house. His gaze swept the darkness and came to rest on mine. Even from this distance, I could feel the turmoil in him.
It pretty much matched the turmoil within me.