For the second time that night I reacted without thinking, and it took Rhoan looking up and minutely shaking his head to remember where I was and who we were supposed to be.
I slowed to walking speed and skirted the main group, pretending concern and offering words of encouragement to those being tended to before making my way toward him. His gaze met mine. His brown eyes might be alien but his smile was all too familiar. So warm and welcoming. God, I was so happy to see him again, it was hard to restrain the urge to dance.
"Hey," he said, so softly it was little more than a stirring of air. "Glad to see you got here safely."
"And I'm glad to see you got out of that mess safely." I wanted to touch him, hug him, but that was impossible, so I simply kneeled beside him, my knees touching his thighs as I raised his hand to see the wound. It was nothing too bad, just a nasty jagged cut he could have easily healed by shifting shape. "Why haven't you fixed that?"
"Because my wolf is red, which is at odds with my new identity."
Of course. Stupid me. "So why were you even in the kitchen?"
"It's been a pretty rugged day, and none of us had much of a chance to eat." He shrugged. "Moss had arranged a meal in the kitchen, but luckily, he got a call about a possible intruder and split us up into groups to check out the different areas. I was in the outside group."
"Lucky you."
"Yeah." He touched my knee and squeezed it lightly. That one action suggested he'd been a lot closer to the blast than he was leading me to believe. "What's been happening with you? Besides pissing off Jack, that is."
I grinned slightly. "He should know me well enough to realize there's no way known I'd throw the baby out with the bathwater."
"Any attempt to rescue that child could be dangerous."
"I know that. I have to try, though."
He smiled. "I know that. Just don't attempt it too soon, or the whole mission could fall down around our ears."
I glanced around to ensure there still wasn't anyone within listening range. "That might still happen given certain time frames have been upped."
"Yeah, Jack mentioned that. Give me a hand up, and we'll talk as you help me to my quarters."
I rose and offered him my hand. "Have the medics seen you?"
"One of the lab boys declared I was fit enough to move. I've been ordered to clean up and get back to work within the hour."
He grabbed my hand. I hauled him easily to his feet, then tucked a shoulder under his and wrapped my arm around his waist. He didn't need the extra support - I could feel the strength in him and he wasn't the least bit shaky - but at least this way we could talk softly and take our time without raising suspicions in unwanted areas. "Nice of them to give you an hour."
"Yeah, they're all heart." His voice was dry. "So, what's been happening to you?"
"I've touched base with Merle, and learned I can read his thoughts."
"And?"
"And I now understand what you were trying to say when you asked me if I knew what I was doing."
He blew out a breath, and the sudden anguish that briefly flared in his eyes gave me some idea of what he'd been feeling over the last twenty-four hours. And it sure as hell was worse than anything I'd actually been going through. I hugged him close for a moment, letting him know without words that I was okay, that it wasn't really as bad as he'd been imagining.
"It's never pleasant the first time."
"Does it get any easier the twentieth? Fiftieth?"
"Yes, because we are wolves and sex is as important to us as air itself. You'll learn to switch off and just enjoy the moment, if not the person." His gaze met mine. "But that's easy for me to say when I'm not psychic and cannot ever feel things as deeply - or as intimately - as you do."
Some of the tension that had been with me for hours slithered away. He understood exactly what I was feeling, without me having to say a word. But then, if my twin didn't, who would? "It's not the sex itself that worries me. Hell, I was with Talon for ages and I can't ever say that I actually liked him. With Merle, it was different. It felt like his foulness was invading my very essence. But Moss felt a hundred times worse, and if they all felt like that, I just couldn't do it. Jack's telling me I have no choice but - "
"You'll always have at least one choice, even if you are forced into the system. You don't have to fuck them, sis. Not when you have the psychic strength to make them believe anything you want them to believe."
I blinked, and something that was either relief or joy or a mix of both ran through me. Goddamn it, he was right. Even if I was forced into the system, I didn't have to play it entirely lack's way. It didn't matter whether the seduction was real or not, because that wasn't the point. Getting information was, and Jack couldn't complain as long as I was doing that.
Of course, Jack didn't just want me as an information gatherer, but as a full guardian - a hunter and a killer - but that was a whole different fight. And it certainly wasn't a place I was willing to go or even compromise on, even if he did drag me into the ranks.