"And neither of you could do anything else?"
He grimaced. "Nothing else paid as well."
I shifted my hands and squeezed his fingers lightly. As comforting gestures went, it was pretty poor, but then, what else was there? This man had lost his soul mate. There were no words, no actions, that could ever provide enough comfort after such a horrendous event.
"How did she die?"
His lips twisted. "A car accident. A stupid, fucking car accident. And no one's fault but the weather's."
"I'm sorry - " The words were out before I could retract them. They were stupid words, really, because they had no meaning when we were strangers and I hadn't even known his mate. So I added, "I'm sorry we got onto this subject. I'm sorry I made you remember - "
As if he would ever forget.
"Hey, I brought the topic up, not you." He shrugged, and it was almost as if he were shrugging away the cloak of his woes, putting it away for another day. I wondered how long it had actually taken to gain such control over the ache. "And to answer your original question, no wolf can walk away from a soul mate. It'd be like ripping out your heart and flinging it away - you can't survive if you do it."
"And yet you survived her death."
His laugh was bittersweet. "Yeah, I did. But only thanks to my ever-loving, goddamn nagging sister."
I raised my eyebrows. "How did your sister save you?"
"She refused to let me die." He shrugged. "Our pack is a small one, and the two of us were always close. I think that bond is the only reason I'm alive today."
I studied him for a moment, then asked, "So you did try to die?"
"Of course. My heart and my soul had left me. It didn't matter that we hadn't sworn our love to the moon - she was my world. My reason for living. Without her - " He shrugged, and gave me that heartbreaking smile again. "Except my sister wasn't about to let me go so easily."
They had to have one hell of a strong relationship for her to be able to drag him back from the brink of death. I very much doubted the normal bond of siblings would have done so.
God, if something ever happened to Liander, would Rhoan choose death? We had a strong bond - a bond as strong as life itself - but I really didn't know if that would be enough to pull my brother back. No matter how badly he sometimes treated his mate, Rhoan loved Liander with every fiber of his being.
I licked my lips and said, "So you're still close to your sister?"
"She nagged me back to life. How could I walk away after something like that?"
The waitress arrived, and we ordered our coffee and cake. I glanced at my watch, wondering when Jilli was going to come out. Jack would get less than pleasant if I stayed and chatted for too long - especially when we had a badass running around killing humans.
"This wolf that walked away," Ben asked, after a moment, "what made you think he was your soul mate?"
I shrugged. "It was probably wishful thinking more than anything else. I cared for him - cared for him a lot - but we never really got it together enough to see if it could ever be more."
"And when you made love?"
I raised an eyebrow, amusement teasing my lips. "When we made love, a good time was had by all."
Amusement twitched Ben's lush mouth. "That goes without saying for a wolf."
"Then why ask the question?"
His grin was as sexy as hell and my hormones did another little dance. And really, I couldn't be sorry that my self-imposed exile from sex seemed to be coming to an end. I might still hurt, but what was the point in continuing to abstain from something that was so much a part of who I was?
I might not be ready to step out with my heart on my sleeve, but a good time was definitely beginning to hit my agenda once again.
"What I mean by that question," he said, "is what did you feel deep down? Besides arousal, besides desire?"
I'd felt lots of things when I was with Kellen, and some of those feelings had not been entirely my own. Quinn, I'd discovered, had found a way to use the sensual, sexy dreams we'd shared as a path into my deeper thoughts, placing a compulsion deep within to avoid the things he disapproved of. Like the wolf clubs. And Kellen.
"What I was feeling often depended on how I was feeling about our relationship at the time, or what else was happening in my life. Why do you want to know?"