And in many respects, still was.
He might not be able to stay here with her and share his dreams or his heart, but he could give her peace. If he could keep her talking. “What happened?" "Tommy happened. He'd swung around and our gazes met—” She hesitated, then shrugged. “I know it sounds corny, but at the time, it felt like I'd just met my destiny. He was gifted, like me, and seemed to know I needed help."
More than likely he'd seen the potential of her abilities and had known the power that one day would be hers. And had wanted it, as Jasper wanted it. Michael clenched his fist. Nikki glanced at him, and he forced himself to relax. “So you joined his gang?"
She nodded. “He was good to me, at least at first. He taught me how to survive the streets, taught me how to control and use my gifts."
Pain swirled around him, a gossamer veil he could almost touch. “When did it all change?” Though he could see the answer in her thoughts clearly enough, he wanted her to talk about it. Maybe then she would see that Tommy wasn't the savior she thought him to be. The bastard had done little more than take advantage of a frightened young girl.
"When I turned fifteen.” She shuddered, and he had to resist the urge to hold her close and caress all the hurt away. “Everything changed. He became possessive, never letting me out of his sight. Sometimes it felt as if he was in my mind, governing my thoughts, my actions." If Tommy's telepathy had been as strong as she seemed to think, then that was probably just what he'd been doing. Fifteen years old and barely in control of her gifts, she would have had little resistance when it came to subtle mind merging. He clenched his fingers again, then slowly straightened them out. Tommy was dead, and there was nothing he could do about the past—other than help her through the pain of it.
"When did this extend to trying to control your gifts?" Her gaze jerked to his. “How did you know?"
He grimaced. “It wasn't hard to guess, given your reaction to our link." Her gaze skittered away, but her thoughts were clear enough. She still wasn't comfortable with the link, still wasn't comfortable with him. Maybe she'd never be. Attraction or not, it was only the thought of Jasper invading her mind that kept her on the bed with him, kept her talking. At least he had something to thank Jasper for.
"What happened?” he asked softly.
Fear shimmered through the link. “Tommy gave me a ring for my next birthday. He told me he loved me.” She hesitated and swallowed. “What did I know of love? He was my world, all that I had left since my parents’ death. But maybe he could see the doubts, because he asked me to prove what I felt for him."
"How?” The question came out more abruptly than he'd intended, and she looked up quickly. He forced a smile, though it was the last thing he felt like doing. “What did he ask you to do?"
"Merge minds. Even though I sometimes feared him, and what he could do, I saw no harm in it. It was something we'd been practicing for a while.” She shuddered. “Only this time it was deeper. This time it was complete."
He could see the chaotic results in her mind. Her gifts, controlled by Tommy, had been used in violence. No wonder she now feared any sort of mind-link.
"What did you do?"
"What could I do?” Her question was almost a plea. For an instant she was very much a confused and frightened teenager, not a twenty-five-year-old woman. “I was sixteen years old and had no one I could turn to for help. Not that Tommy would have let me run. He knew my thoughts, and he could stop me, make me do things...” She paused, and a tear ran down her cheek. The first crack in the wall, Michael thought, resisting the urge to wipe the drop away. It wasn't over yet. She had to face up to the destruction she'd unwillingly caused.>Her pulse leapt beneath his touch. She kissed his fingers, then reached up and traced the firm line of his jaw. “I don't want your restraint, Michael. I want you."
Just touch me. Hold me. Love me. She bit her lip and looked away from the understanding in his eyes. What she was doing wasn't fair, but there wasn't any other way to drive Jasper from her thoughts. Was it too much to ask for just an hour, maybe two, of Jasper's darkness not staining her thoughts?
He sighed and closed his eyes. Fighting the needs of his body, she thought. It was a battle she didn't want him to win.
Leaning forward, she captured his lips with her own. He groaned and tightened his arms around her, his lips suddenly harsh against hers.
Then he pulled away. “Don't do this, Nikki.” His voice was ragged, dark eyes troubled.
"Why not?” What was wrong with wanting to kiss him, make love to him, until the darkness ran away and there was nothing but the two of them alone?
Couldn't he see she needed this, needed to keep the darkness and insanity at bay?
"Nikki, it's wrong."
She raised an eyebrow. “Why is it wrong?"
He didn't answer. She moved closer and trailed tiny kisses around his neck, then gently bit his earlobe. He made no move to stop her, no move to encourage her, yet she could feel the tension under her fingers and wondered what he was so afraid of. Vampires might not be able to love, but they could make love, and that was all she was asking of him.
She ran her hand down the warm length of his body until she touched the waistband of his pants. Fingers trembling, she slowly undid his fly.
"Nikki—” he hesitated, his body tensing when she touched him. “The timing is wrong." She closed her eyes and briefly rested her forehead against his shoulder. He was right. This was neither the time nor the place for them to make love. But what other choice did she have? She had to stop the stain of Jasper's darkness growing stronger in her mind.
"Please, Michael. Just love me."
He groaned again and crushed her to him. She kissed him fiercely, savoring the taste of his lips, his mouth. He caressed her breast, her stomach, her buttocks, his hands gentle yet his touch urgent, setting her aflame with need. She reveled in the play of muscles across his shoulders, the feel of his skin, so smooth and warm against hers.
"Lay down with me,” she said softly.
Michael smiled and stretched out beside her. He ran a hand down the gentle curve of her side, watching the desire darken her amber eyes. Yet he could feel the desperation in her thoughts, the urgent need to deny Jasper's growing control over her. He touched her cheek, following the outline of her jaw down to her mouth. Her skin was soft and smelled so good, like honey and cinnamon. She captured his finger in her mouth and sucked on it gently. Heat ran through him, through the link, a smoldering fire threatening to explode.