He hadn’t talked about it with anyone. Not even his mother. And she had been there—she’d gone through the nightmare, not exactly with him. They’d each gone through it in their own individual ways.
Leo turned and gazed into Bianca’s eyes. “I don’t want to ruin this night for you.”
“You won’t. I’d like to think we’re friends and that we can confide in each other.” She stared into his eyes as though she could see clear through to his soul. “Does it have something to do with your father?”
How did she do that? How did she know what he was thinking? Did she have some sort of special power? Or were his thoughts that transparent?
“How did you know?”
She shrugged. “It was just a guess. But you never talk about him. How come?”
Leo took her hand and led her over to the daybed. They perched on the edge of it. He was trying to find a place to start. He supposed the best place to start was the beginning.
“I’d looked up to my father all of my life. When I grew up, I wanted to be just like him. The problem was that I had no idea what that would entail.”
“I can’t even begin to imagine. And I thought I had it hard fitting into my family.”
He shook his head. “Don’t feel sorry for me. I’m not the good guy you think I am.”
“Sure you are. Look at what you’re doing for your sister. And how you took time out of your busy schedule to attend your friend’s wedding. And then there’s what you’re doing for me—”
“Stop.” He held up a hand as though blocking her compliments. “You don’t understand. None of that can undo the past.”
He recalled how his mother made him promise to never speak of his father’s death. She wanted to sweep all the unsavory details under the rug, where no one would notice them. His mother wanted the picture-perfect family and the unblemished prince to ascend to the throne. She wanted to live a lie because none of those things existed in real life.
But he’d already lashed out at his father and it had cost his father his life. Leo couldn’t lose his only remaining parent and so he did as the queen wanted. However, it came with a price. Every time he had to gloss over the details or leave out a fact, especially when talking to his own sister, it’d killed a little piece of him.
He’d been living with the secret for so long that it felt as though it was going to smother him unless he let it out. And Bianca was so easy to talk to. It was though he could tell her anything and she would understand. But would she look at him the same way once he told her his secret?
He drew in an unsteady breath. Peeling back the scabs hurt just like the nightmare had happened yesterday. But this wasn’t about his comfort. It was about proving to Bianca that he wasn’t worthy of her.
He stared straight ahead into the black sky. “I was sixteen. And I wanted to go on holiday with one of my friends to the lake. But my father told me I had responsibilities to attend to. I was a kid. I hated being in the spotlight. I hated being escorted by bodyguards everywhere. I hated being different.”
“It must have been difficult. I think every kid just wants to fit in. I know I did.”
Her words of comfort gave him the encouragement he needed to continue. “When I told him I was going with my friends and nothing he said could stop me, my father grew angry and started yelling at me. He told me it was time I grew up. He had plans for me to attend a royal wedding in another country. He said I would meet an appropriate young woman.”
Leo could still recall his outrage when he realized his father had already chosen the young woman he was to marry. He wasn’t even an adult yet and his whole life had been planned without even consulting him.
“I told him I didn’t want to date anyone. My father said this wasn’t going to be a date. This young woman would be my future wife.” The exact words of that horrific fight were a little lost on him. “My father suddenly grew quiet. I thought it meant he was giving in to my demands. Being a kid, I told him I quit being a prince. That my sister could be queen. By then he was perspiring and his face was a pasty color.” Leo could still see his father’s sickly image in his mind. “He strode up to me. I never saw him so angry. Ever.” Leo’s voice faltered. “He told me I couldn’t quit. I was a prince by blood. It was an honor—a privilege. And...”
Bianca reached out and squeeze his hand. There was so much to that innocent touch. There was kindness, compassion. Both of which he didn’t deserve.
He swallowed hard, hoping his voice wouldn’t fail him. He had to get out this secret that he’d been keeping so deep within him. It was as though it was choking him. And the only way he could take a full breath was to get it all out in the open.
“I should have known that something was seriously wrong with him. He’d been sweating profusely and he’d looked awful, but I was only worried about myself and being with my friends. I wasn’t giving up. I kept yelling at my father. I... I can’t believe those angry, hurtful words were the last ones I said t
o him.” Tears stung his eyes as emotion choked off his next words.
Bianca shifted closer to him as though letting him know that she was there to lean on. Then ever so softly, she said, “He knew you loved him.”
“Did he? Because when he stopped yelling midsentence the look in his eyes was full of rage. And...and then he collapsed.” He ran the back of his hand over his eyes. “I don’t know how long I stood there like a complete and utter fool.”
“You were in shock.”
“But it was my father—the king. If I’d acted faster, maybe things would have been different.”
“I don’t think a few seconds would have changed things. It was out of your hands.”