Lead (Stage Dive 3)

Jimmy looked up at me from beneath his dark brows. His eyes were like ice storms, his jaw rigid.

“You did a brilliant job,” I said, concentrating on the positive part of his talk with his brother. “Really fantastic. Just like I said you would.”

The edge of his mouth twitched. Something inside of me lightened at the sight.

“You had to get that in there, didn’t you?” he asked.

“Yes, I did.”

He shook his head. “Great. Didn’t I tell you to go away?”

“You’re always telling me to go away. I’d be half way to the Yukon by now if I actually ever listened to you.” I yawned prettily. If he didn’t make stirring him up so much fun, there was a decent chance I’d stop. Well, an even one. “You haven’t told me if I’m really fired or not yet.”

His brows arched, expectantly. “What do you think, Lena?’

“I think regardless of whatever comes out of your mouth, you keep paying me. And money talks.”

He said nothing.

“I also think if I actually went away, you would miss me, Jimmy Ferris.” For a brief moment, a messy, needy part of me yearned for him to agree, which was completely insane. I should cut the silly part out and cauterize it, excise it from my body. Without a doubt, it would be the sane thing for me to do. Any ridiculous longing after anything resembling a softer emotion from Jimmy was a big mistake. He either hadn’t been made that way to begin with, or any softer parts had been ground out long ago by that epic of bitch of a mother of his. Besides which, alone was best, I think we both knew it. Due to the situation, we just happened to be spending our alone time together these days. I guess it was better than being lonely.

“That so?’ He gave me a cool look. “Why don’t you go away and we’ll find out?”

I smiled. “Okey dokey.”

CHAPTER FOUR

Two days later …

“What?” asked Jimmy in a terse voice, never taking his eyes off the TV. On screen, a hockey game raged on, the someones against the someone elses. No, I honestly didn’t care enough to figure out who was playing.

We’d been back in Portland for two days and had mostly returned to our usual routine with only one or two minor behavioral differences.

“Huh?” I asked, finger toying over the screen of my e-reader.

“You keep looking at me weird.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yeah, you do.” He bristled, giving me impatient side eyes. “You been doing it all day.”

“I have not. You’re imagining things.”

He wasn’t imagining things. Ever since that day in Coeur d’Alene, things had been different. I’d been different. I couldn’t seem to see, hear, or be near him without reacting in ways I sincerely wished I did not. Contrary to my hopes, the feelings had not dissipated. Instead, they seemed to have settled in for the duration, sinking further and further into my heart and mind. All of those glimpses into his psyche and his troubled past had changed things irrevocably. Both in how I looked at him, and how often. The truth was, this horrible idiotic crush, or whatever the hell it was, probably showed on my face every time I turned his way. It certainly felt like it did.

“I’m not gonna freak out again or anything, Lena,” he said. “Relax.”

A pause. “No, I know. I’m not worried about that.”

“So stop looking at me already,” he grouched.

“I’m not!” I protested, sneaking a look.

He slumped further down in the corner of the couch, a frown embedded into his handsome face. Jeans and a black Henley were Jimmy’s casual home attire. I highly doubted a male model could have worn them as well. The man just had innate style and show. With my hair messily tied up on top of my head and glasses sitting on the end of my nose, I probably looked like an early candidate for a crazy cat lady. Give me a litter of kittens and I’d be set.

I put my e-reader aside, giving it up as a lost cause. With him in the room, I apparently had the concentration span of a four-year-old loaded up on sugar. But also, I had in fact come down here for a particular reason. “You didn’t call your brother back.”

“Hmm.”

“He’s called twice now.”

A one-shoulder shrug.

Tiny rivers of rain trickled down the outside of the window and a street light shone in the distance. Typical cold wet weather for this time of year. Just the thought of what it would be like outside in it was enough to make me shiver.

“I could grab the phone for you if you like,” I said. “I was just about to go get a drink.”

He slicked back his hair with the palm of his hand. “Why are you down here? You normally hang out in your room at night.”

“Is my being here a problem?”

“Didn’t say that. Just wondering what’s changed?”

Lots had changed. Lots and lots and then a bit more besides, the bulk of which I was still figuring out. No neat conclusions had yet presented themselves. I might have lied a smidgeon about not being worried about him. He did seem fine. Didn’t mean it wasn’t still my job to keep an eye on him. The funeral and his big blow-up still felt fresh.

“Nothing’s changed,” I lied. “Just got bored on my own, I guess.”

I pulled my comfy big old green cardigan tighter around me, feeling self-conscious. Plus the headlights were on high beam for some reason. Let us not explore why. But my annoying him was a given, I could probably manage it simply by breathing, such was the glory of Jimmy’s disposition. It’d never actually worried me before, however. I must be getting soft. Perhaps I shouldn’t have come down. Maybe I should just abort the spend-time/check-up-on-him mission and retreat back to my room.

“’kay,” he said.

That was it. All of that inner turmoil and he couldn’t even be bothered saying an entire word with regards to my presence. I guess he really didn’t mind.

“You cold?” he asked.

“Pardon?”

His head lay against the back of the couch, slowly looking me over. Nothing changed in his face, but his eyes seemed to heat somehow. Or maybe I was just imaging things.

“You’re all bundled up,” he said. “Need me to turn up the thermostat?”

“No. Thanks.” I might need to put some padding in my bra so my ni**les were less obvious in their like for him. The room however was lovely and warm as the couch beneath my butt was beautifully comfortable. Jimmy didn’t stint on life’s luxuries. He wasn’t cheap.