My eyes went wide, as wide could be. “What? Are you serious?”
Gently, he grabbed me by the upper arm and marched me out of the bathroom. “Get out, Lena.”
“I was just trying to talk to you.” I was so not trying to talk to him. But now, we very much needed to discuss his back scrubbing needs and how I, as employee of the month, could meet them.
“Talk to me later.”
“But—”
And he slammed the door in my face.
Nice.
Jerk.
Disappointment was a nasty big beast and it was sitting right on my heart. I wrapped my arms around myself, guarding against the chill. It seemed that standing in the doorway, I’d gotten a bit damp myself from the mist and the encroaching rain. Mostly, however, it was about being thrown out of heaven, a.k.a., the ground-floor bathroom. How was that for gratitude? I gave the door the finger.
“You did good,” he hollered from within.
I dropped my arm to my side. “Thanks.”
“Dave and me are all fine again.”
“Great,” I shouted back.
“Yeah, you told me so.”
I smiled. “I’m glad. Are you going to stop smoking?”
Muttered swearing. “Yeah, okay. And stop hanging around the door when I’m showering. That’s creepy.”
I rolled my eyes. It wasn’t like I could see anything through the keyhole.
Let’s pretend I didn’t try.
# # #
Two-thirty in the morning was kind of a bitch as times went. It fell into the in-between, nowhere land. Too late to get a really good night’s sleep, but much too early to start the day.
I rolled over onto my back and stared at the ceiling. It remained every bit as entertaining and enlightening as it had for the last four hours. Over on my bedside table, my water glass was empty. This made sense since my bladder felt demandingly full. All of me was awkward, uncomfortable. I bet Jimmy paid top dollar for this mattress, Kings and queens probably slept on the same. And yet, it still did me no good.
With a groan I threw back the covers and dragged my sorry ass into the bathroom. I took care of business and washed my hands. Since I was already up and grumpy, I might as well go in search of chocolate.
Don’t question the logic. It made sense to my sleep-deprived mind and that’s all that mattered.
I trudged down the stairs. A flickering light came from within the living room, shadows playing across the wall opposite. I’d abandoned Jimmy to a documentary on Phil Spector hours and hours ago. Mr. Spector might have been a musical genius but considering where he wound up, it was all a bit too macabre for my tastes. I’d bid the rock star goodnight.
Tigers were mutely roaring and roaming the golden savannah on the wide screen. Jimmy lay passed out on the couch, fast asleep. The lines of his beautiful face were no less determined and harsh in repose. Yet they seemed softer somehow without his piss and vinegar going on. His long dark lashes lay against his cheek and his lips were slightly apart. They looked so soft. A feeling, a sensation worked its way up from deep in my belly, spreading right through me until it tingled in my toes. It was all about him. It was hot and cold, forever and never all at once. It was physical, but it was also more, much more. I wanted to know him, every last little thing about him. And I wanted him to know me. I wanted to be a real part of his life, not just his employee. To be the person he confided even his darkest thoughts in, the person he trusted.
It was insane.
Ever notice how the world seems different in the wee small hours of the morning, when you’ve been awake too long? Surreal somehow and yet clearer, quieter so you can hear the whispered truth of things you couldn’t bring yourself to face in the light. My feelings for Jimmy weren’t fading. I was a fool to imagine they would, living in his house and breathing the same air as him. They weren’t leaving anytime soon.
And if they weren’t, then I had to.
I couldn’t take another broken heart. Especially not when I could see it coming a mile away as in the case of Jimmy Ferris. He needed me to be a helper and a friend, not a lovelorn little twerp making starry eyes at him. He already had those by the bucket load.
I drew a deep breath, let it go. If only it didn’t feel like I was being slowly cut open at the thought of leaving him. Overly gruesomely dramatic, but true. But it was just the like the old ripping off the Band-Aid analogy. Better a smallish pain now than heartbreak and ruin down the track.
Still, the next few weeks were going to be hard.
Afterward, once I had my replacement settled in, maybe I’d go sit on a beach somewhere and feel sorry for myself. Get out of the rain and into the sun for a while, order frothy drinks with little umbrellas and fruit in them. I could wait out my sister’s wedding and then sneak home while she was away on her honeymoon. Yes, I had a plan.
Jimmy’s feet were bundled together, arms pressed against his chest. Poor, baby. He must be cold. Not good after his time out in the rain this afternoon. I grabbed a couple of throws from the cabinet, chucked one at his feet and spread the other out wide. The fine woolen material drifted down to cover him from shoulder to toe.
“Better,” I whispered.
“Yeah,” he whispered back, opening one eye to look me over. “Cute jammies.”
“I’ll have you know that flannel teddy bear print jammies are on the cutting edge of fashion.” I sat down, slumping tiredly. “What are you doing here?”
“Fell asleep. You woke me stomping down the stairs.” He sat up in slow motion, rubbing at his head. His dark hair stuck out every which way. The television cast shadows across his face. “What time is it?”
“Just past two-thirty.”
“What are you doing up?”
I shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep. Sometimes I just can’t get my stupid head to turn off.”
A nod and a yawn. “Pretty sure we can find something better than a nature documentary to watch.”
“You don’t have to keep me company. It’s late. Or early,” I amended. “Go on up to bed, I’ll be fine.”
He picked up the spare blanket and tossed it into my lap. “Once I’m awake I don’t tend to get back to sleep so easy.”
“Sorry I woke you. Pass me the remote?”
He chuckled darkly. “Lena, Lena. Shame on you. I’m half awake, not crazy.”
“Boys and their toys.” I wrapped the blanket around me, settling in.
He just gave me a half smile with the faintest trace of dimple. Actually, it was more of a quarter grin with a dash of the devil. But he was getting better at smiling and that’s what counted. It was going to be one of the regrets of my life that I’d never got to see the full thing. I bet it was lethal in all the ways.