Lead (Stage Dive 3)

“Lena, wait.” David reached out a hand.

“It’s okay,” I said, wiping my face, forcing my way past the band.

I didn’t want to see the others but of course my gaze went there, taking in the whole of the ugly pathetic scene. Plenty of shell-shocked faces and one vaguely embarrassed glance on Dean’s part. Not like it really mattered, I’d never see any of them ever again. This part of my life was over.

An argument started up behind in the kitchen, numerous voices raised in anger and dismay. I didn’t slow down, didn’t turn back.

There’s probably a lot of things I could say about the nature of love. Exactly what I did or didn’t mean to Jimmy would never be known, perhaps not even to himself. Love was truly one of life’s mysteries. That it could f**k you five ways to Sunday and still remain so utterly perplexing and unknown was kind of impressive. I guess it all depends on how you look at it. Right then, I was looking at the long lonely road home. My childhood home, that is. The home I’d shared with him was gone.

Tears flowed faster and I let them fall unchecked.

Some things were meant to be felt to their fullest. Get it out, get it over with, and all the rest.

I liked to think he’d miss me, but the truth was, he’d be fine once I was gone. There’d be someone else to step into my shoes, someone to answer his emails and keep him sorted. Chances were, they’d do a better job than I ever had.

The end.

* * *

A massive white satin bow sat in pride of place on the front door. Christ, Alyce and her look-at-me bullshit. This wedding had clearly taken on gargantuan proportions in my absence. Maybe I should have holed up in a hotel room until all of this had blown over.

No. That was quitters talk.

I was made of tougher stuff.

After all, I’d already walked away from one life-altering, heart-shattering situation this week. To make it through my sister and ex’s wedding would be no biggie. Eardrum piercing, girly squeals of glee could be heard coming from inside. It was the night before her nuptials, I guess she had all of her remaining three bridesmaids over. Britney Spears music suddenly pumped out, loud and proud.

Yeah, no, okay, I couldn’t do it.

Not a f**king chance.

My weary body and mind had already been dragged half way across the damn country. I’d left a lot of stuff behind in boxes with a message for Ev to please have it forwarded. All that mattered was getting the hell out of his house in one reasonable rational piece.

Pam drove me to the airport despite my protestations I could get a cab. Such a lovely woman, it was a pity I’d never get to be her apprentice. The rest of the band and company fortunately remained downstairs. To face any of them following Jimmy’s and my drama-ridden break-up would have been more than I could bear. The $10,000 Nikon stayed behind on the piece of furniture formerly known as my bedside table.

Jimmy could do with it what he liked. No way was I taking it with me.

My immediate existence revolved around expunging every trace of him from my memory. I’d forget the sound of his voice and the smell of him covered in sweat. I’d never again think about the one hundred and one stupid little conversations we’d had, all the things we fought about. My broken heart had been taped and glued to perfection. And all of these things were gone.

They had to be gone so I could face the future and put him in the past.

There was no way, however, I could face whatever fresh hell was happening inside my childhood home. Britney Spears. Give me strength. I about-faced, preparing to drag my full suitcase the two blocks back into town since my cab had already gone. So far as I knew, Toni still worked at the Burns Bed and Breakfast. If I slipped her twenty she’d keep my whereabouts secret for a couple of days.

But no, standing directly smack bam in the middle of my planned escape route stood my father. Time had made no major changes, he was still as stout and solid looking as he’d ever been. A bit more grey in his hair perhaps. In each hand was a bag filled to the brim with Kwong Chinese Restaurant containers. The best food to be had in my hometown, in my expert opinion.

“Lena?” He blinked at me in the violet and grey evening light. The weight around my heart lifted a little.

“Hey, Daddy.”

He looked me over, face frozen in shock. “My girl’s come home!”

“Yeah. I’m back.” Gah. Instantly, I turned on the waterworks and my face was a mess. My emotions needed to calm the f**k down.

Dad took two big steps forward, giving me the best hug possible when laden down with takeout. The delicious scent of Honey Chicken made my mouth water and my tummy growl. It’d be too much to ask that I be one of those girls that actually loses weight when her love life goes to shit, apparently.

I cuddled in against him, taking comfort.

“Good to have you home, sweetheart,” he said.

“Good to be home.” And it was.

For a moment, we just stared at one another, smiling in wonder. It was nice to know some things couldn’t be lost. The bond between me and my dad was one of those things.

“Was a bad business, what your sister did,” he said. “Your mother and I gave her firm words over it.”

“You did?” Huh, I’d always thought Alyce the Wonder Kid could do no wrong. There you go.

“Well of course we did. Though you were always too much of a handful for that idiot Brandon. He would never have made you happy.” Dad looked down at me over the rim of his glasses. “And you’re still not happy. What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“I got my heart broken again.” I chuckled, shrugged. “Stupid me, huh?”

“Stupid him, more like it. My girl’s a queen. Any boy that can’t see that doesn’t deserve to get within spitting distance.” The man should be president. He said the nicest damn things.

“Thanks, Dad.”

He just stared at me, waiting for more information.

“It really is a long story,” I said.

A particularly high-pitched, ear-shattering scream communicating what I supposed was extreme delight came from within the house. I winced.

“It’s going to be a long night,” sighed Dad. “What do you say we go inside, get the greetings out of the way, and then go hide out down in the basement with my beer fridge?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Your mother missed you, Lena.” He dug into his coat pocket for the keys. An impossible process given his many tasty burdens.

“Here, let me help.” I took one of the bags off his hands. “I missed her too. I just needed to get away for a while, find myself and stuff.”