She shrugged. “I went to school in Virginia, just to get away from my parents. Typical teenage stuff. ‘They don’t understand me. They never will.’ I just wanted to be far, far away. I worked at restaurants to support myself, trying my best to get jobs with places that were just starting up. Six years later, I’d finished my master’s and fallen head over heels in love.”
“With Victor.”
“Yes.” The wheel reached the top again, and they fell in a slow circle. “And he didn’t need a wife who worked fourteen-hour days, seven days a week. His career was important. He needed support. So, instead of sinking money into a small business, we bought a house, and I took a job teaching.”
“You gave it up.”
“I did. All of it.”
“You can start over,” he said. “That’s what I’m doing. Trying to get to what I really want. Trying to make up for…other things.”
“Do you ever feel trapped? Like there would’ve been something better for you if you weren’t obligated to your family?”
Jamie let his head fall back. He stared up into the tangle of metal spokes above them. “No. Mostly I just wish things were different for us. I wish my brother could tone it down. I wish I’d gotten my shit together earlier. I wish I hadn’t… I wish my parents hadn’t died. But I like what I do. I don’t feel trapped.” He lifted his head and looked at her. “You don’t have to feel trapped, either. You’re not trapped.”
“I’ve spent so many years teaching. I’ve invested my whole professional life in it. How can I walk away from that?”
“You just do. That’s what walking away means, doesn’t it? Leaving something important behind?”
“It would take years to start again.” She managed a smile. “Gwen thinks I should just move to Hawaii and find work at a school there. I have to admit, it’s a good idea.”
“Really? I kind of thought you’d hang around here.”
“Don’t worry. I wouldn’t dream of leaving until we finish your plans.”
“Oh.” He flashed a quick smile. “Thanks.”
The earth rose more slowly toward them this time. They were coming to a stop. “I’m sorry,” Olivia said. “I don’t know why I dumped all that on you.”
“I don’t mind.”
“There’s nothing fun about playing therapist though, is there?” She felt his gaze on her, but when she turned her head, he looked away.
“It’s no big deal.”
Olivia shifted, uncomfortable with his sudden silence. “Hey, do you want to talk about your competitive research now?”
“No. But thanks.”
Olivia was relieved when they rocked to a stop and an attendant opened the door. She hadn’t experienced Jamie unhappy before, and she wasn’t sure what had happened. The talk about his family and his parents, probably.
“Are you ready to go?” he asked once they were back on solid ground.
“Yes.” She touched his arm as he turned away. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” he answered. He winked and took her hand, and Olivia breathed a sigh of relief.
“Ferris wheel too much for you, after all?”
“I’m a little shaken up.”
They strolled down a walkway, heading for the blank spot past the trees that signaled the acres of parking lots. “Thanks for listening, Jamie.”
“I’m good at it,” he said, but he was still a little distant, and discomfort prickled over her skin.
“I’m sorry I brought up your family.”
He let her go, his hand sliding free, and Olivia felt as if she was going to be swept away, back to her old life, where she jogged every morning at six and never, ever had dirty sex in front of a mirror. Jamie folded his arms and looked out over the rows of cars. “It doesn’t have to only be fun all the time.”