Stepping closer, he took her hand and glared at her. “I don’t have my guard up with you.”
“Yeah, and look at you. You’re fine. But you’re the first man I’ve dated since my divorce, and I can’t risk not being fine. Not so soon. And not with you.”
His fingers slid between hers. “What is it you think I’m going to do to you?”
Just that, she thought. Just the touches and sweet looks and perfect sex. She’d let her guard down and she’d be gone. Broken. Destroyed. There’d be a few months of sweet, hot sex and then she’d be relegated to that list of “good friends” he no doubt had. Women he held a vague, remembered affection for. Women he was totally at ease around, because in his world they’d been wonderful friends, while in each woman’s world, he’d been a man she loved fiercely. Christ, that would be worse than being an ex.
Olivia shook her head and moved toward the parking lot, her hand snug within his. He was still frowning when he opened the car door for her. Still frowning when he got in and started the engine. He deserved honesty after the rude things she’d thrown at him.
When he reached to put the car in gear, she touched his hand to stop him. “It’s less complicated for you if I don’t throw myself into this.”
“How do you know that?”
She cleared her throat and pulled her hand back, pressing it to her knee. She stared at her fingers as if there was something interesting to see there. But there was nothing but the still-strange blankness of her ring finger. “Victor was my first lover. I’d never done more than kiss another man.”
He was quiet for a moment. She could almost hear the blank question in his mind. Four heartbeats passed before he drew a sharp breath. Realization heated the air inside
the car and burned her skin. “Oh. So I’m…”
“Yes. I wasn’t going to say anything. I know it’s weird. But it’s why I can’t just…give in to you.”
“Olivia.” His hand covered hers, so much larger and darker that it made her heart skip. “I don’t want you to surrender anything. Not to me.”
He really had no idea. He was so damn easy. Easy to be around. Easy to want. Easy to love. And because he was easy, he could never understand how hard life was for other people. “I just want you to understand why I have to be on guard.”
His hand tightened on hers. “Okay. I think I get it.”
“Thank you.”
He inhaled as if he’d say more, but in the end, he simply put the car in gear and pulled out. Olivia watched the Ferris wheel turn above them, the white metal on fire with the sunset, and she wished they’d never come down.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
JAMIE TRIED HIS BEST not to look as freaked out as he was. There was no reason to panic. Nothing had changed. Not really. Except that he now realized all the naughtiness he’d been coaxing from her…that hesitance hadn’t been simple modesty but true inexperience.
No, not inexperience, he assured himself. She’d been married for a decade. She was totally experienced. Totally.
Except that he didn’t think he’d ever been with a woman who’d only been with one guy. Not that he’d known of. Certainly not after high school. He definitely hadn’t expected it from Olivia Bishop, she of sophisticated older woman fame.
He slid a look toward her, watching her out of the corner of his eye. She seemed tired, crumpled a little in her seat. He’d originally planned on one more adventure this evening, but she definitely wasn’t up for a trip to the local erotic boutique. Hell, he wasn’t up for it, either. He couldn’t believe he’d done her outside in his hot tub. And bent her over a bed for a hard ride.
Blood crept up his face. He should’ve romanced her, not screwed her within an inch of her life. “I assume you’re too tired to go out for dinner?”
“Tired and messy. I think there’s dust stuck to my sunscreen.”
“How about dinner at my place?”
“You said you didn’t cook dinner.”
“Well, I’m not exactly a chef, but I do have an amazing list of take-out places tacked to the fridge door.” He finally dared a look at her just in time to catch her yawn. “I also have a very comfortable bed with fluffy pillows.”
“I remember. Would you let me borrow your shower? And maybe a T-shirt?”
Jamie kept his mind blank, afraid to think of her damp and clean and half-dressed. “Sure. Absolutely. Anything you want.”
“Then I’d love to.”
Romance, he told himself. Hopefully he still had a bottle of wine in the pantry. Maybe he should buy some flowers or something.