Strong Enough to Love (Jackson Hole 1.20)

“Are you involved with someone? Is that what this is about?”

“Just give me an answer. Yes or no.”

For a long, terrifying moment, she thought he’d say no. The hard edge of his jaw jumped with rage. He didn’t like being backed into a corner, and she was remembering now that his wife had been fond of ultimatums. Well, that was too damn bad. But if he wasn’t going to budge on this, then what would Eve do? Now that she’d had the idea, she couldn’t give it up. She needed this. She couldn’t just go on with her life, never knowing what it was to have him.

She waited.

“Fine,” he finally bit out. He started to step forward and she held up a hand.

“Not here. Not in my bed.”

“Jesus Christ. Are you kidding me?”

“No. I’ll come to your hotel. I can’t have any more memories of you here.”

He closed his eyes for a moment and his lips pressed hard together. A heartbeat passed, then two. “Fine,” he said.

“Tonight?”

A huff of humorless laughter parted his lips. “Sure,” he said drily. “Tonight.”

“I’ll meet you there in thirty minutes.”

“This is ridiculous. After everything we’ve had together, you want to try to force it all into a one-night stand? You really think that’s going to do anything but make it worse?”

“It can’t get worse,” she said. “Not for me.”

His anger broke for a moment then. His features softened into regret. His shoulders lost their rigid tension. “I’m sorry, Eve. I didn’t have a choice.”

“Maybe not. But that doesn’t mean I have to tell you it was okay. I wasn’t okay, Brian, so we can’t just pick up like you never left. I’m sorry if that’s what you came here looking for. All I can give you is tonight.”

He watched her for a long moment, studying her eyes, then her mouth, before he finally nodded. “I’ll take tonight.”

He gave her his hotel name and room number, and then he left, moving down the stairs to the street below. Eve closed the door, leaned against it and slid slowly to the floor.

* * *

THIS WASN’T HAPPENING.

Brian looked up at the stars for a moment, at the crisp white flickering against that deep blackness. He hadn’t seen a Wyoming night sky in two years. There was no filter here. No haze of humid atmosphere to dull the light. But looking up at these stars felt like a memory, and so did hesitating outside Eve’s apartment before walking away.

How many times had he done that? How many times had he stopped and wondered if he should go back, knock again, pretend he’d forgotten something and then...

He turned to look back at her door and felt that horrible tug of need, but he walked away like he always had. Only, this time it wasn’t the end of the night.

Jesus. This couldn’t be happening.

As he walked toward his hotel, he was so deep in confusion that he knew he was scowling at the people he passed, but he didn’t give a damn.

He hadn’t known how she’d react to his return. She had a right to be pissed. Of course she was hurt and angry. But he’d hoped that she might still greet him as a friend. He’d even hoped her initial shock would melt into something much warmer. But she’d been so cool to him when he’d turned to see her. Her eyes had swept over his face as if she were trying to place him.

And he... Jesus, his heart was still pounding so hard he could barely hear the clop of horse hooves as the tourist stagecoach rolled past him and made its slow way around the square.

Brian ignored it and slipped into the side door of his hotel.

Seeing her had been like seeing cool running water on a torturously hot day. Relief. That’s what she’d looked like. Relief, if he could get close enough. If he could touch her and end the gnawing ache that had lived inside him for two years. More than two years, actually. Since the moment their friendship had pulled him too deep. He hadn’t meant for it to happen, but by the time he’d realized the danger, she’d felt like the only real thing in his life. His marriage had been a phantom.

Shit. He’d had to try one last time. He’d been with Julia almost twenty years.