Who Breaks First (Clearwater University)

My heart sinks in my chest. Dammit, no. I was using Leslie as my rock, my example of staying strong, and now I’m about to lose her. Not that she doesn’t have the right to date whoever she wants.

“Who?” I ask.

“This guy in my Economics class. His name is Rory. He’s pretty cute,” she says casually, and I’m envious of her.

Not because she has a

crush on someone, but because she’s so casual about it. I wish I could talk about guys that way. I’d give anything to turn back time and go back to when things were good between me, Reese, West, and Trent. When their friendship made me feel safe and cherished. When I could say their names casually. Considering what’s happened between the four of us, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to be casual with any guy again.

I’ll always be waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“That’s awesome,” I say, faking a smile. I want to be happy for her, even if I can’t quite muster it right now. “When do I get to meet him?”

“There are always tons of parties in his dorm. We should go.”

“Yeah. That would be fun.” I roll onto my back again to look up at the ceiling.

Shit. Leslie is going to have a boyfriend, I’m going to flunk out of school, and my dad will have reason again to think that I’m a monster screw-up.

As if responding to my thoughts, my phone pings, and when I pick it up, I see that my dad is texting me.

DAD: Hey, Ems. You up for dinner sometime this week? With me and a friend?

My eyebrows shoot up, and my thumbs fly across the screen quickly as I tap out my response.

ME: Sure. What friend?

DAD: Well, more than a friend, actually. I’m dating someone.

ME: Seriously?

DAD: Yes, how about Friday?

ME: Cool

Shit, is this for real? Has the whole world gone mad? Dad’s actually dating someone?

This must have been going on for a while without him telling me. Dad has never introduced me to any woman he’s dated before, so it must be pretty serious if they’ve reached that point. I didn’t even know he was getting out there or seeing anyone. The last time I saw him with anyone was in high school, and I definitely wasn’t supposed to know about that.

Fuck. The next thing I know, everyone in my social circle will be dating someone, and I’ll be left to obsess over West, Trent, and Reese. Until they all start dating girls too.

Okay, I’m getting a bit ahead of myself. I wasn’t prone to catastrophic thinking until after everything went down in high school. Since then, it’s like my mind just spins out of control with horrible possibilities.

“My dad is dating someone,” I tell Leslie, my voice sounding a little doubtful.

“Huh.” Her brows pull together. “Is that good or bad?”

“I mean, it’s good. He’s barely dated since my mom died, and I’ve always wanted him to be with someone. But I guess I’m just surprised.”

“I can see why, if it’s coming out of the blue.” She flops over onto her stomach, propping her chin on her hands. “Who knows? Maybe she’ll be some badass bitch.”

She’s right. This could be a really good thing. I can’t let my own trust issues turn me against all relationships. Some of them have to be good.

“I’m sure she will be. My dad only likes amazing people,” I say, and Leslie chuckles.

Our conversation moves on to other topics, and we end up talking about my mom and what she was like. I don’t go into details about her death or anything from around that time, but I tell Leslie about the good times, and how Mom was such a perfect fit for Dad.

And the more I talk, the more I realize it has to be true. Whoever this woman is that he’s dating now, she must be great. I can’t imagine my dad dating someone who isn’t awesome, because he’s just a really great guy.