“I’m spoiling nothing. I’m asking a simple question.”
She shook her head. “We’re not at the house, so we’re not weighed down by it all. That’s all it is.”
“But you love the house.”
“I do. And you found out that you do care about the place, after all.”
“Maybe.” That was about her, but he didn’t want to pressure her too much on that point, especially not now when she’d seemed so happy. Or was that beginning to dissolve before his eyes?
“You’re going to renege on our deal,” she accused, “aren’t you?”
“No.” Even as he said it, he wasn’t sure he could stand by that deal. It was because he wanted her and in his mind he couldn’t take the two things apart. Even though it was illogical, he was stubbornly fixed on it now. If he signed the house over to her, he might never see her again. That was a risk he couldn’t afford to take.
“You found you do care about the estate and your sense of responsibility has dropped into place.” She sighed. “I can’t blame you for that, but I feel duped.”
Rex felt incredibly frustrated by that. He shifted, closing his hand around her wrist and holding her forearm to the
table. “I never set out to dupe you. The first thing I said to you was, why can’t we share the place? Carmen, we want each other.”
She glared at him. Even though she didn’t pull away from his grip, there was vehemence in those eyes. “What? You want to come and go at weekends and use the shared ownership as a ticket to screw my mind as well as my body?”
Frustrated, he spoke very deliberately. “No. That’s not what I want. I want something better than that, something normal, for both of us.”
She stared at him for a moment, and he thought she was going to accept it, but her eyelids lowered, closing him out. “It’s all too...”
“Too what?”
When she looked at him, he was taken aback by what he saw. Her eyes shone with withheld tears. “It’s taking me back to my mother’s death and all the pain that went down between all of us.”
It hit him hard to see her hurting, but logic held him steady. “And you didn’t think that would always be there in Burlington Manor when you wanted it?”
“I suppose I ignored the possibility. I don’t know. It’s not being there so much as it’s talking about the past that makes me think about it all again.”
“But we’re both remembering the happy times, too. We remembered those first. I don’t think talking about the past is creating this situation. We have to put the pieces together, the good and the bad. It’s just something we have to get through, to get past it and be together.”
She hung her head. “I don’t know if we can ever do that.”
“Carmen, I want you, and you can’t deny you enjoy being with me. Why can’t we do this?”
“So many reasons.” She sighed and turned away.
Rex gave a wry smile. “The fact you haven’t denied you enjoy our time together is a good start.”
Her expression softened and she met his gaze. “I can’t deny that anymore, can I?”
“Not since you tossed aside the keys to the manor to get to me, no.”
She wagged her finger in warning. “Don’t take advantage.”
“What else is there that I need to know, tell me?”
She took a deep breath. “Specifically, when we talk about the past, it makes me remember how I felt after the car crash. I hadn’t bargained for that.”
He covered her hand with his.
“I didn’t feel it when I arrived at the house. It was after you told me why you fell out with your dad. It made me think about when we were all closer, and why I chose to leave.”
“It must have been a terrible time for you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”