‘And what look is that?’
‘Fear … pain.’
We exchange a look of understanding. I’ve always known that what happened to me has happened to other people, but I’ve never really discussed it with anyone who’s had to live through the hellish experience.
‘I feel those things,’ she says quietly, her eyes getting watery. ‘I hate that I do, though. Everyone thinks I’m so happy because that’s what I show them, but I’m not as happy as I seem.’
‘Everyone thought I was crazy,’ I tell her. ‘But I did chop off my hair with a pair of scissors and stop talking to people.’
She offers me a sympathetic look. ‘Callie, that’s so sad.’
‘And so is pretending to be happy all the time,’ I say. ‘Everyone should feel okay enough to be themselves.’
She nods, agreeing. ‘Yeah, but my story’s not as sad as yours. I was fourteen and older.’
‘That doesn’t make it any better.’ I stand up from the bed and cross the room to sit down beside her, my legs feeling the slightest bit wobbly. ‘Rape is a horrible thing no matter what and you should tell someone about it.’
‘I’m not sure if I can tell my mom.’ She frowns and it makes me wonder if perhaps it was somebody living under the same roof as her.
‘How about a brother or sister, then?’ I suggest.
She shakes her head. ‘I don’t have any.’
‘How about your dad?’
Her expression hardens as she grinds her teeth and balls her hands into fists. ‘I’m not telling my stepfather.’
Okay, I’m pretty sure that’s probably who did it to her, but I don’t want to push her, or make assumptions because I can tell she’s on the verge of cracking and I could be wrong. ‘What about another relative or a therapist?’
She considers what I said for quite a few minutes. ‘You’ve talked to a therapist, right? I mean, I thought I heard Seth and you talking about it at the beginning of the school year.’
‘Yeah, I used to up until a couple of months ago. I can give you her number. She’s really nice and understanding and gets things like this.’
‘Okay, yeah, can I have her number?’
Nodding, I retrieve my phone from my pocket and text Harper the contact information of my therapist. ‘You should call her today, too, while you’re in this place where you can talk about it.’
‘But I didn’t really talk about it,’ she says with a discouraged sigh. ‘Not really.’
‘That’s not true.’ I tuck my phone away. ‘What you said today was a big, huge step.’
Her lips turn upward and it looks as though she might be showing me a glimpse of her real smile. I realize right there and then I’ve never seen it before.
‘Well, I’ll call her, but we’ll see how it goes when it comes time to go there,’ she says. ‘I’ve tried this before and never got the courage to do it. I only dared bring it up to you after I heard you talking to Seth about what happened to you because it made me feel like you’d …’ – she fidgets with a bracelet she’s wearing – ‘understand, I guess.’
‘A lot of people will understand.’ I pause, wondering what else I can do to help her because I want to help her – want to help people who are struggling like I was once. Just thinking about other people out there that have gone through stuff like me and Harper makes me want to find all of them and tell them it’ll be okay. I’m not even sure how to do that, but I need to, somehow. ‘If you want me to, I can go with you to your appointment.’
‘Really?’ She perks up, seeming genuinely happy.
I nod. ‘Of course.’
She looks utterly relieved. ‘Thanks, Callie. And not just for the offer, but for not getting all weirded out. You’re really good at this, you know. Talking and understanding and everything.’
Her words warm my heart. ‘Thanks. And you’re welcome,’ I tell her and head for the door. ‘Let me know when you get scheduled and if you ever need to talk, I’m right across the room.’
She nods then I step into the hallway, shut the door behind me, and lean against it. I feel strangely at peace with myself. I’m not even sure if it’s because I was able to talk to someone about what happened to me without going into a panic or if it’s because I tried to help someone who didn’t flat out ask.
‘Is everything okay?’ Kayden’s voice tugs me out of my thoughts.
I turn my head and find him standing to the side of me, the football tucked under his arm. ‘Hey, I thought you went down to the car.’
He glances from the door back to me. ‘Nah, I thought I’d wait for you here. Seemed like you might need me after whatever was happening in there.’
I stand upright. ‘No, I’m fine. She just wanted to talk about stuff.’
‘What kind of stuff?’ he asks as we move toward the elevator, holding hands.
‘Stuff she’s going through,’ I say vaguely. ‘Stuff I’d understand.’
Thankfully, I think he gets what I’m implying without me having to say it aloud, since I’m pretty sure Harper wouldn’t want me talking to anyone about it.
I push the down button with my thumb then face him while we wait for the doors to open. ‘So are you going to tell me now why you look so happy today?’
‘Nope.’ His lips twitch with amusement.
‘You are the meanest person ever.’ I jump into the elevator as the doors swing open, yanking him in with me and he ends up stumbling over his feet. ‘But that’s okay because I love you.’
He laughs as I stand on my tiptoes to kiss him, but he quickly pulls back when his phone starts buzzing inside the back pocket of his jeans. Usually he ignores calls and texts when we’re in a lip lock, so I’m a little surprised when he moves away to take his phone out. He muses over something as he reads the message on the screen.
I recline against the wall and casually ask, ‘Who’s that?’
He stares at the screen a second longer before texting something back. ‘No one.’
I’m not sure how to respond to his brush off, so I crack a joke. ‘Well, clearly it’s someone; otherwise, your phone wouldn’t have gone off.’
He presses one last button on the screen then returns his phone to his pocket before looking back at me. ‘It was just a text from Seth.’