Alpha Erased (Alpha Girl 9)

She was out there somewhere, and it was my job to find her.

So, that’s what I’d do.

I just wasn’t sure how.

One Hundred Fifty-Seven Days Missing

* * *

The room was crowded. People came from around the world to practice yoga with this master. Meredith said that maybe yoga would help. She was a firm believer in the practice, and maybe some meditation would help me find my mate bond. It was there inside me, locked up tight, but clarity might help me reach it. She booked me at a retreat in Rishikesh, India. So, I went.

Meredith gave me a valid argument that I listened to about half of, but I did it. Anything was worth a try. I put myself in strange poses—different from any other poses I’d done before and held them until my arms and legs were shaking—for ten hours a day. And then meditated for the rest of the day. During the occasional free times, I ran in my wolf form through hiking trails or sat by the Ganga River and thought about where she might be or think of some other way to find her.

I got here nearly two weeks ago. Spending most of the day in a room stinking of sweat and filled with too many people made it hard for me to eat at night. After fasting with the monks, I wasn’t sure there was much muscle left for me to lose. But I stayed because I needed to do something. To keep trying. I wasn’t giving up.

I couldn’t give up.

Except it might be time for me to give up on this.

As the yogi was guiding us into another meditation, I couldn’t take one more second. My wolf surged. Urging me to move. To fight. To stop this nonsense.

To eat.

And he was right.

I’d tried this.

I’d meditated.

I’d done the poses.

But it wasn’t working.

There was no flicker along my bond. No sign of my mate. Nothing to give me hope that I’d find her by staying one second longer in this hot, stinky, sweaty room.

I got up, ignoring the yogi calling after me. He walked through the mats to get to me, but I moved faster. He’d been nice, but I didn’t have it in me to explain.

I left my stuff behind. My mat. My clothes. My phone.

I didn’t need anything. I just had to go.

As soon as I was outside, I shifted into my wolf, and I ran.

So Many Days Missing

* * *

I ran as a wolf and hunted my way across endless miles of land. Days and nights passed, and I didn’t keep track of them. I kept moving.

When I met a fellow werewolf, I’d shift. I’d take their hospitality. But when I was out of my mind, I let my wolf take control.

I ran all the way from India to my home in France. I didn’t mean to end up there. I just suddenly stopped running and looked up to see my house—the house I’d been born in, lived in, until my parents died.

The caretaker called after me as I ran inside—shifting as I moved—to get clothes.

My wolf had taken me home, and for a moment, I thought that it would work. That this place would heal me enough so that I could find a way to see beyond my despair, pain, loss, anger, and fear—and fix the bond.

So, I ate, rested, healed as much as I could without her. But the constant searing pain in my soul wouldn’t stop.